Objects of My Affection
by asiancherries
Summary: Some things we want, and some things we need. Some things stay with us for the rest of our lives. Three ordinary objects that are present throughout the lives of two people.
1. Boots

Boots

A Sesshomaru and Rin Tale

Disclaimer: I own a Sesshomaru plushie, and he will always be mine no matter what. Everything else is up to the lawyers.

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Rin was in love with everything Sesshomaru.

She loved his hair, which was long and soft. Sometimes he would let her comb it with her fingers, or put a small braid or two in it. She loved his eyes, which were for the most part gold, but always varying in shades and intensities. When he watched her eat, they were a dull yellow, like the pollen that often dusted her clothes. When he scolded her, they were dark and heavy, like sand. When he watched her as she drifted off to sleep, they were bright as a dandelion. She loved his markings. It fascinated her that his stripes had the appearance of wounds, but were no different from the texture of his skin. To her, they were both a reminder that he was not human, and a beautiful display of his power. She was in love with his clothes. The silk was the finest she had ever dreamed, and despite the fact that he wore mostly white, he never seemed to get dirty in any way. She was in love with his pelt. The large bundle of fur he carried on his shoulder was his bed, and sometimes hers on the coldest of nights. It rippled with a life of its own when caught in the wind, and served to hold many a bouquet or chain of flowers while he was at rest.

But what she loved the most was his boots.

In the seven years of her life, she had never owned a pair of shoes. It had never occurred to her that people needed shoes; no one in her family ever did. After her family died, Rin saw that people in the new village she lived in wore sandals, but never anything more substantial than that. Sesshomaru's boots were the first proper shoes she had ever seen, and she was immediately taken in by them.

She had felt them with her tiny hands, and found them to be hard leather, but smooth and soft to the touch. A closer inspection revealed that they went under the cuff of his pants and up his leg, but for how high she could not tell. Even she was not that bold to inquire about such things. Jakken occasionally cleaned and polished them with a piece of cloth. Once, Rin asked if she could try it, and Sesshomaru let her while he watched, barely showing amusement. When Rin had finished, she inspected her work and found that it wasn't as good as Jakken-sama could do, but for her first try she felt satisfied. Jakken had squawked at her to get out of the way so he could finish her poorly done work, but Sesshomaru-sama stood and walked away before the toad could get close. Rin beamed. Apparently, her work was good enough for him. She had proven herself useful.

They looked so regal. Villagers wore sandals. Kagura was barefoot, as was Jakken, though the image of him wearing shoes was quite comical in her mind. Kohaku wore soft slippers that protected his feet but gave him the full range of motion being barefoot offered. No one else wore boots but Sesshomaru-sama.

After her year of traveling with Sesshomaru-sama and Jakken-sama, she could distinguish her master's footsteps from yards away. The heavy, crushing noise the boots made was a herald of his return, and she would eagerly run to greet him as if the boots had called her name. Wherever he had come from, surely the lesser creatures he encountered groveled before the boots as he walked past. She had seen it on occasion. Youkai and ningen alike could recognize his authority, and bowed at his feet, trembling and waiting for him to pass. But she never had to. She was a special follower of Sesshomaru-sama, and as such could admire him without acting like a worm.

She followed the boots.

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Rin was not the first human that Sesshomaru had ever struck up a rapport with. In his youth, there had been a girl who lived in the House of the West as a servant, and there earned her place as the first female Sesshomaru was ever agreeable with outside of his mother. Her name was Chiyoko.

When the great Inu no Taishio claimed a new annex to his land, he claimed every resident therein to be under his rule. That included humans. For the most part, he was impartial to them, interceding on their behalf if they were threatened by war, but not involving himself in their everyday affairs. This policy would change as Sesshomaru grew older though, and he would eventually watch his father take a human wife from the highest house in the West.

Chiyoko was servant to Sesshomaru's mother Mariko. The girl was rescued and raised by the Lady of the West as a favored "pet." Chiyoko's mother died in childbirth, and her father died from disease when she was 3 years of age. Under the care of the Lady Mariko, the little human girl became an indispensable servant and a reluctant playmate to the young lord. Relatively the same age, the two children were raised together under the guise that nothing separated them from being equal in the eyes of the Western rulers. Then Sesshomaru cut his fangs, and dripped poison from his claws. The human girl-child was deemed too fragile and weak to spend time with Sesshomaru; he was to be surrounded with the strongest of influences to help him grow into a powerful demon.

Their paths crossed little after adolescence. She was sequestered in Mariko's wing of the house, while Sesshomaru occupied his father's. Chiyoko did her best to become invisible, while the young lord fought his way into notoriety. By the time he was a teenager, he had already commanded a battalion of his father's army in a war against the cat demons of China. She was a respected seamstress, and made many of the Lady Mariko's finest kimonos in the seclusion of her room.

When Mariko died, Chiyoko was allowed to stay in the house as a maid. Sesshomaru inherited his mother's room, and Chiyoko moved into Sesshomaru's old room. Now, they saw each other everyday at meals, when she served the household in the open. This was the only time she was permitted to leave her room; it was deemed to be in the best taste that she remain behind closed doors for as much as possible. While it was not uncommon to have a human servant, it was common for that servant to become a target for cruel tricks by visiting demons. After all, a human life was practically disposable. But Chiyoko made it known that she would not be taken that lightly.

Her temper was unmatched. She had been known to make even the Inu no Taishio break a sweat. Though she was only allowed to roam about during meal times, Sesshomaru knew that she often went outside late at night and walked about the gardens, before Mariko-sama had died. He had seen her, when he too was treading along the darkened paths, fighting insomnia. To the best of his knowledge, she had never seen him, but on the mornings after he had been up all night, Chiyoko was quick to refill her young lord's tea, and avoided eye-contact for the whole day. Chiyoko was not an outstanding beauty, but she had a brilliant spirit that illuminated her eyes with life, and often mischief. The bridge of her nose was lightly dusted with freckles, and with her little button nose she appeared much younger than she really was. She was strong, with an athletic build, and so earned her place helping the elder and younger lords lay the finishing touches on their armor before leaving the house. The Inu no Taishio often praised the girl in a fatherly manner, telling her that it was because she knew how to fit his armor so comfortably that he was able to fight as well as he did. Sesshomaru was not prone to such displays of sentiment, but he felt a secret pride in leaving the house with such a clean polish on his armor and boots. No matter how dirty he had gotten them, the girl was always able to make them look brand new. It was Chiyoko who fought a losing battle against the boots.

Sesshomaru had been known to be…impulsive in his excursions out of doors during his youth. Many a time, he would get the urge to abandon his sword and take down enemies with his fangs and claws. Bloodlust was something he learned to relish in. He would _look_ for trouble, and then wear the results home. With practice, Sesshomaru learned to hold his clothes within his youki, and "heal" them as he would his own flesh. He could clean them on his own, if needed. But it was not so with the boots. They would be removed and kicked against the wall in the hall just inside the doorway. Chiyoko was to make sure that by the time the young lord left the house again, the boots were spit polished and shined to perfection so they could be worn and dirtied all over again.

Sesshomaru was ashamed, but powerless to stop it. Chiyoko was positively alluring when an angry blush fanned across her cheeks, and her inky eyes sparked with annoyance. It was a secret pleasure of his, to work her into a rage and admire the results. Any other time, he could convince himself that she was not worth his consideration because she was human, but not when she was mad. When Chiyoko got mad, she wasn't human. She wasn't anything he had ever known. She was a radiant beauty that burned his heart the longer he looked at it. So he made it a point to come home with mud-caked boots, whether by circumstance or on purpose. And then he would smile sadistically and watch the girl scream and fume when she discovered that once again, she would have to scrape a swamp from off of his shoes.

He supposed she was the way she was because she had been raised by demons. All of the other humans he encountered were frightened in his presence. Chiyoko was frightened of nothing. Nor did she dress like a human. Nothing about her was ornamental, and she invested no time at all in trying to further perfect her appearance. Demons were flawless to begin with, with eternal youth keeping them beautiful with no effort on their parts. Chiyoko wore no make up, nor jewelry, and always kept her long hair in a tight braid down her back. And she managed to look just as perfect as any demon. She certainly had the spirit of a demon. One of her favorite things to do was to end a conversation with Sesshomaru by turning her body around abruptly and whipping him in the face with her braid as she walked away. It became frighteningly easier for Sesshomaru to forget Chiyoko was human at all.

Until she died.

It was Chiyoko who laid the foundations for Rin, not only in Sesshomaru's fascination with human companionship, but also in the deepest recesses of his heart. It was there that Chiyoko's broad, ivory hands fastening the clasps of his breastplate were remembered. There too, was the combined sting of her words and her hair as she retreated haughtily from a heated discussion. Her bravest smiles, and the way she ran with her arms flapping at her sides like wings were tucked deep into the folds of darkness within the powerful demon. But at the bottom of everything, buried underneath centuries of shame and anger, was Sesshomaru's helpless admiration of the beautiful human girl he loved to torment.

Rin found her footing within that chasm when she found herself standing inside the boots.

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It had been three years since Naraku had been defeated. It had been close to seven years that Rin had followed Sesshomaru throughout the Western Lands. It had been the first time that she was old enough to feel awkward from an encounter with her master.

He had been soaking in a hot spring, something that he very rarely did when she first traveled with him, but now seemed to enjoy upon occasion. Rin deduced that bathing was something that left you vulnerable to attack, and the threat of Naraku was real enough to keep Sesshomaru highly alert to his surroundings. He was never one to be caught unawares.

Yet as well as she knew this to be true, she still thought she would be undetected when she crept close to the spring. She wasn't trying to peek; Rin had not grown that bold, and the idea was still not something appealing to her young mind. No, instead she was intent on trying the boots on for herself.

He had taken off his armor, silken clothes, and the boots away from the spring, so as not to get them dirty or damp from the sulfur and steam. The swords and a long robe went with him, so he would be prepared to fight if needed, or just be prepared to walk back to his belongings. This gave Rin time to indulge her childhood fascination. With as much stealth as a gawky, gangly girl could muster, she crept over to the boots and snatched them in her hands before she could think better of herself. They looked so…funny without his feet in them. The soles were firm but the tops flopped over and fluttered in her hands like extra skin. Hesitantly, she brushed the dirt from one of her small feet and slid it into the black void of the opening. The sole still extended far past her toes, and gapped slightly behind her heel. The other foot followed suit, and she stood up in the borrowed shoes and inspected how they looked. There were buttons going up the sides that held the leg of the boot around the leg of the wearer, she found. Not wanting to risk taking the time doing the buttons, she grasped the tops of the boots and held them up against her legs. That looked a little better to her liking, but they were still impossibly large. It was as if the shoes were devouring her legs.

Rin giggled. Carefully, she tried taking a step forward, and immediately wobbled and had to fight for her balance. She dragged the other foot next to the first, unwilling to take the risk of another step. From inside the boots, Rin curled her toes and found that she could somewhat walk inside of the shoes she was supposed to walk with! She giggled again, and tried taking another step forward. This time, she took a much bigger step, and let her foot slide inside of the boot with her body's momentum. This allowed her to keep her balance, and the other foot soon followed in a similar fashion.

She marveled at how small her feet were in comparison to his. Rin wondered if she herself would ever grow to be as big as her lord, so she could have boots of her own. She had already grown so much in the past year, and Jakken-sama kept telling her that she was only growing so fast because she was eating all the time. Rin had to admit that she needed much more food to satisfy her hunger lately, and needed to rest more frequently. Her body ached a lot, mainly in her limbs and her chest. Her skin felt like it was stretching to cover her rapidly expanding frame, and it wasn't able to keep up with the pace of her growth. If this is what becoming an adult brought her, then Rin wanted no part of it.

Without warning, she heard a male voice clear its throat, and her head bolted up to see what she feared most. Sesshomaru-sama was standing before her, wearing a long yukata while his wet hair was twisted and laying off of one of his shoulders.

Rin panicked. Her first instinct was to run away, but when she tried she remembered too late that she was still wearing the boots, and fell flat on the ground. Turning on her belly towards her lord, she immediately grappled onto the earth with everything she could, digging her fingers into fists through the soil. Something made her feel like she was going to suddenly fly away if she didn't hold on, because her heart was racing so fast and her head felt so light. She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for _something_ to happen. After waiting for what seemed like her entire life-span, and realizing that _nothing_ had happened, she chanced to look up at Sesshomaru-sama.

He was standing in front of her, with his hand covering his mouth and one eyebrow raised. Rin couldn't tell if he was amused or bewildered, but expected it was probably a mixture of both. His cheekbones were higher and his eyes glinted mysteriously. Rin thought for a second that he was _smiling_ underneath his hand, but felt her stomach lurch and her muscles tense at that thought. Jakken had always told her that the master was _much_ more dangerous when he smiled than when he was angry. Rin trembled slightly, and looked down with wide eyes at the dirt beneath her face, waiting for him to punish her.

Gently, Sesshomaru grabbed the collar of Rin's robe and lifted her upright and out of the boots. He then set her on her feet on the ground and took one swipe across her shoulders to smooth away the wrinkles his grip had caused. Quietly, he picked up his boots and sat down on a fallen log nearby, looking to Rin as if he was waiting for her to follow him over. With fear in every footstep, Rin tip-toed over to her master and knelt by his feet, keeping her head down.

Sesshomaru did nothing to encourage or discourage Rin's show of apology. Instead, he started to put his boots on. Rin looked up when she heard the hollow noise of the space inside the boot being filled. After he had put the second boot on, he pressed his heels into the ground and rocked his feet back and forth, adjusting the fit. He looked briefly at Rin from underneath his bangs, before he shifted his concentration to the row of buttons going up the side of his leg. The button closest to his ankle was fastened first. He did this slowly, as if he wanted Rin to learn how a button worked. She had never touched a button before, but she had seen them and knew their function was to hold two parts of something together. The second button was fastened, and suddenly Rin wanted to try. Her hands quivered in her lap, and she glanced up at her lord to see if he was annoyed with her in any way. His face was calm and his features schooled into the bored face of indifference he almost always wore. His clawed fingers fastened the third button, but when he went for the fourth, he encountered some resistance.

Rin's hands bolted out and took hold of the button and the boot, and she jumped when Sesshomaru moved his hand. At first she thought he meant to push her back, but he merely moved it out of her way and watched her intently to see what she would do. With determination, Rin bit her lower lip inside of her mouth, and worked to fasten the fourth button.

It took her a few tries, but at last she figured out how to apply the right amount of pressure into pushing the button through the hole in the fabric.

Sesshomaru cautiously reached forward until the pads of his fingers were pressed against the underside of Rin's chin. Gently, he hinged this thumb up and pressed it to her nose, before he rubbed the dirt she had there off. For a few moments longer, he held her face in his hand, inspecting her, until he finally withdrew and stood up.

"You may go wash off now," he calmly commanded.

Rin nodded, all speech lodging inside of her throat like a wad of meat. With wobbling speed, she stood up and ran towards the spring, intent on following her master's bidding.

Somehow, she knew that the moment that had just passed altered their relationship. They would look upon each other with different minds after that point on. She had taken on the role of his admirer in a fashion, and was destined to mature along that path. Sesshomaru had accepted this. He was still her guardian, and still her master. He had given her everything she wore and carried; without him she would have nothing. But she had crossed an invisible line when she stepped into his shoes. His role had changed, too.

Rin had made her first unspoken claim that just as Sesshomaru made up the majority of her life, she was beginning to own a permanent space in his. She was a part of him. Sesshomaru would not be sending her away, ever. He was her companion, just as much as she was his. They needed to be together, yes, but more importantly, now they both _wanted_ to be together.

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She wasn't surprised to hear him outside her door.

The darkness greeted her when her eyes fluttered open. Rin sighed gently and let herself adjust to the change of both being in the dark and being awake. She had been yanked suddenly from a lovely dream; something in which she was picking flowers in a meadow with her young son. The father of the child was not present in the dream, nor could Rin recall any of the boy's features. But she could remember his white hair. The sound of footsteps invaded her dream, and the child took off running towards the source. She just _knew_ it was the father of the child, coming to greet them both. But she couldn't see him. She ran after her son, and just when she was lifting her head to see the figure of her dream husband, her eyes opened and she was back to reality. It took her a moment to realize what had woken her: the sound of footsteps in the corridor outside of her room. The familiar tread revealed to her immediately who the midnight walker was, but she felt no reason to question his presence. After all, he had done this so many times before.

So many nights, when she awakened herself from a nightmare with sobs that wracked her small body, she would hear him outside of her door. He never entered; it was not his way. She never expected him to enter, either. Her lord was not the kind to coddle any sign of weakness. When she fell and scraped her knee, he told her to get up. When she broke her arm after falling out of a tree, he barked at her to silence her tears. When she learned what a lie was, he made very clear the consequences of lying to him would be harsh. When she fell sick, he abandoned her and went about his own business.

But as stern and as hard as he had been on her during her childhood with him, he was never cruel. After he told her to get up from scraping her knee, he let her weave a daisy chain for his head. True, it went straight from his crown to around Ah's ears, but he had worn it for her those briefest of moments. After she had broken her arm that one time, he had swiftly set the appendage in a splint with his own hands. He let her ride Aun as much as she wanted, and commanded that Jakken was also always to accompany her in searching for food, in case she needed assistance. After she told him the truth when he had asked her of Kohaku's whereabouts, though it surely meant the death of the boy she had come to like, he merely nodded. Kohaku was let be, and while he claimed his actions were meant to infuriate Naraku, she knew he was rewarding her honesty. Though she did fall ill several times during the course of her maturation, and though he did leave her company, he never left her alone. She was always entrusted into the care of a human healer, and he always returned to retrieve her and resume their travels. And the nightmares? Just the same, he would not hug her, or speak reassurances to her when she was troubled by the terrors in her dreams. Instead, he walked.

It was the sound of his footsteps that always lulled her back to sleep after the nightmares. No matter how much more terrible the wolves' teeth had grown, or how many bandits joined in on killing her family, he would walk and they would fade. Entire armies of youkai would bow at the approach of his boots. Why would dreams be any different? He was authority, and his presence alone was enough of a command. As soon as she heard his boots treading softly around the camp, or outside her door, the tears would subside and her heart would calm. He was there, protecting her like always, and reminding her that he would continue to do so, no matter how many nightmares appeared.

Rin sat up in bed slightly and listened to the soft, yet commanding footfalls of her master, her Sesshomaru-sama. Much to her amusement, she quickly found that just as the noise had woken her up, it was quickly lulling her back to sleep. It had been quite some time since she had woken herself up screaming from a nightmare; adulthood brought her confidence even in her sleep. But she refused to surrender and close her eyes; something was different in his pace. Come to think of it, she didn't remember having a nightmare; her dream had been quite pleasant. Why then was he walking outside of her door?

True, she had noticed lately he would refuse to make eye contact with her. And when she would go out walking in the shiro's garden, or the field just outside the main gate, he would suddenly appear out of nowhere, watching her. One minute, she was scanning her surroundings for butterflies, and would lower her eyes to pick a flower, only to raise them and find Sesshomaru standing in the far corner of her field of vision. He would say nothing, which was not especially out of the ordinary because he rarely spoke to begin with. However, Rin found this particular silence to be somewhat disturbing, on a level she was not quite familiar with. His eyes were speaking to her, while his lips sealed themselves into a thin line. She saw…_something_ in his eyes, but she just could not decipher what _it_ was. Before she could ruminate any further on the matter, Sesshomaru would disappear, leaving Rin alone and utterly shaken. And the worst part was, she _liked_ it.

Sesshomaru's steps were becoming notably shorter in pace and longer in length. He seemed to be walking back and forth deliberately in front of her door, but she had trouble distinguishing which direction he was walking due to the erratic timing of his footsteps. She strained to listen, trying to tell if he was just outside the door, or down the hall. Pushing the covers aside, Rin slowly lowered her legs off the mattress and touched her bare feet to the cold floor. She shuddered. The footsteps stopped.

For a moment, Rin balked. Was the master now upset in discovering she was awake? Had he noiselessly fled using his youki, as she had seen him do so many times? Was he looking for something, or _waiting_ for something? The young woman swallowed hard and with trepidation and her best attempt at stealth, tip-toed closer to the door of her room. This time, she could clearly hear his footsteps from the hall. She felt her chest lighten with relief. He was most definitely there. But, she trembled again when she heard where his footsteps had stopped. He was most definitely right outside of the door.

Rin could feel her entire body freeze and then overheat in that second of realization. Her tongue went dry and her palms began to sweat. Her heart was beating wild with excitement but her mind was screaming loud with warning. _Why, why, why?_ she thought. That was about the most cohesive she could force her thoughts into being; the rush of blood to her ears drowned out a chance of anything else.

When she reached the door, she stopped in her tracks and let her entire body fall still. They both seemed to regard one another through the wooden frame dividing them. Rin was scrambling her memory and training for the proper decorum in a situation such as this. Sesshomaru-sama had made sure she worked diligently from the very beginning at her manners, but nothing she ever learned had even remotely provided instruction for greeting your lord master at your bedroom door in the middle of the night. Was she to open the door, or would he? Was the door supposed to be opened at all? Was she supposed to get back into bed, and was he supposed to just walk away?

Sesshomaru moved his weight from one leg to another. Rin heard the shifting of his clothes, and knew that he was getting ready to take a step. He was going to walk away.

Faster than she ever knew herself to be, her hands flew to the door and inelegantly shoved it aside and open. "Sessho…" she cried out, but was immediately cut off.

Sesshomaru stood tall in Rin's doorway, looking straight down at her. Her cheeks were flushed from her sudden energy rush, and she quickly took a step back and cast her face aside in embarrassment.

"Sesshomaru-sama," she whispered.

He said nothing, and at first, he did not move. Then he gracefully reached out his clawed hand and curled his fingers under her chin to pull her face up. When her eyes encountered his own, she saw that he was smiling ever so subtly. The change in his mouth was almost imperceptible, but it was the change in his eyes that let her know. She found her mouth nervously opening into a smile of her own, before she suddenly felt embarrassed again and tried to look down and away. He would not let her.

Now, Rin felt more nervous than she ever had in her entire life. She wasn't exactly sure what was happening here, between her and her master, but it was both petrifying and comfortable at the same time. She rolled her eyes up to look at Sesshomaru through her long, black lashes, and saw that the smile in his eyes was replaced by something decidedly different. Having never seen this look before on her lord's face, Rin wasn't quite sure how to interpret it, or how to act in response. There was something serious about it, and from the depths of his eyes she could detect a swirling of power in the golden hues. However, she did not feel afraid of him anymore, and was gradually losing her fear of whatever it was that they were doing. After a few moments, she let her shoulders relax and stopped wringing her hands to lower them to her sides. Now, she looked at Sesshomaru with her head held higher, and her gaze steady.

He would not open his mouth to speak to her, but she could hear his breathing. It was measured and deep, like the cresting and falling of waves. He blinked slowly, almost sleepily, at her. Finally, he let his own hand fall to his side, and straightened his posture further.

More than ever, Rin realized just how tall her master was. As a small girl, everything was huge from her standpoint, but now that she was fully grown and an adult, things had a more realistic perspective. The adult Rin stood to the middle of his chest, and her arms could barely reach his ears when stretched. With a rush of emotion, Rin suddenly realized that more than anything she wanted to reach up and touch his oh so familiar face.

Timidly, her elbows bent, and she raised her hands in front of her to declare her intent. When he did not move, she took it as a sign of acceptance, and slowly raised her arms up and out to him. The pads of her fingertips met with his cheeks, and she hesitated, waiting for him to rebuke her or reject her. His eyes merely darkened, and his pupils dilated rapidly. Rin slid her palms onto his cheeks, before she combed her fingers up and down the stripes he wore there. Sesshomaru blinked once more, and heaved a heavy sigh that made his shoulders rise and fall. Rin bravely danced her fingers up to his pointed ears, where she rubbed gently. Her confidence grew, and the smile on her face widened. He was making no motion to touch her himself, but she noticed him gradually leaning forward to lessen the strain on her ever higher stretching arms. At last, she tangled her fingers in his hair, and combed across and down to the back of his head, resting her hands at the nape of his neck. Though he had bent forward slightly, her arms were almost completely vertical against his chest and up to his neck. Sesshomaru looked down to the girl hanging onto him, the ever present spark of adoration in her eyes.

Rin felt her lips tingle and her stomach tighten. Her cheeks grew hot and flushed, while her arms and legs felt cold. She _knew_ they were going to kiss.

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Her first kiss had been stolen from the taijiya boy, Kohaku. During Naraku's final days, Rin was shifted around in the care of various allies; sometimes with Kagome, sometimes the elderly miko Kaede, and sometimes the pretty taijiya Sango, Kohaku's older sister. That night in the village, Sango and her intended husband Miroku were walking about arm in arm, as if afraid to let one another go. The monk's cursed condition had become quite painful for him, as the wind hole in his hand ripped through his flesh quicker by the day. The couple had begged to be excused from the group, desperate for time alone, and perhaps their only time to say goodbye. Inuyasha never quite trusted Rin, and paid little attention to the girl; he was mostly engrossed with his sword, but never kept his attention too far from the strange miko girl he obviously cared for. Obvious to everyone but him and her, anyway. Kagome was trying desperately to calm herself by reading one of her many books she carried around, and acting like the end of the world wasn't nipping coldly on her ears. Shippou stayed very close to Kaede, claiming he was protecting her but quite obviously seeking comfort and protection for himself.

Emotion, especially strong emotion, was not something that Rin was comfortable being in the thick of. Her own emotions were enough to deal with. If Rin sat within the tense circle of the group for another second longer, she felt it would make her heart explode; excusing herself politely, she walked out of the village, to the border where the light of human fire and the dark of night clashed. There, she sat and tried to think of pleasant things: flowers, rice dumplings, the fox magic tricks Shippou had shown her that morning, and of course, Sesshomaru-sama. She wondered where he was, and if he was just as unnerved as everyone else on this night. While he didn't show it, Rin had learned to detect a few subtle traits that betrayed the demon's cool façade into revealing how he was actually feeling. When he twitched his left eyebrow, he was just beginning to get angry. When cracked his knuckles he was bored. When he tilted his head ever so slightly to the left, he was amused. When he cleared his throat he was annoyed. When he drew his lips into a thin line he was nervous.

As Rin sat and contemplated the inner workings of her master's mind, she was startled when a hand fell lightly on her shoulder. She jumped and twisted around to see Kohaku holding his arms up and grinning. She hadn't heard his approach due to the soft slippers he wore. And for some strange reason, Rin _knew_ that before she got up and left for bed, Kohaku was going to kiss her.

All instinct told her to change fate and run back to the village lickety split. But she found herself nodding dumbly instead when the boy asked to sit by her side. Her body had betrayed her mind, and she felt completely defenseless. He talked to her nicely, asked her about how she found the weather (it's summer, it's hot like it's supposed to be), if she knew what type of flower it was she had placed in her hair (a stargazer lily, and she knew many, many other different types of flowers), where had her mind gone just before he came (chasing after a man with white hair, but she told him the moon instead). Then he surprised Rin by asking what she thought about him. She squinted, shrugged, and said he was very nice, had always been very nice to her, and had nice eyes. Rin couldn't think of any other word but "nice" for Kohaku; she knew very little about him, and felt any other comment might be a lie, so she stuck with what she had seen. He seemed to like what she had said, because he lowered his head and told her in a low voice that he thought she was nice too. Then he looked at her.

Their eyes locked, or rather, his eyes locked hers and kept them from moving away. She had wanted to look away. This whole situation made her feel like a frog in a hailstorm; her heart pounded nervously while her brain spun about in confusion. Why was this happening? Why was she doing nothing to stop it, or make it right again, or even make it worse? Why did he want to kiss _her_? She was only ten, and he was almost thirteen. How had she been able to deduce his intentions from the start?

Kohaku licked his lips, and very quickly kissed Rin.

The girl stared at him with large eyes as the boy turned from her and rubbed the back of his head. So that was her first kiss. It tingled on her lips, like she had been playing in the cold for too long. Suddenly, Rin felt a swell of irritation scratch around within her chest. Why had she let this happen? Why had he done this? Why did _he_ have to be her first kiss? Why did it feel so _wrong_? Why was he still grinning sheepishly, like he had done something funny? It wasn't funny. It was awkward, and stupid, and…and…

"Rin has to go now," she announced, jumping to her feet and running back to the village.

That night, she cried herself to sleep. She had managed to break her own heart that day, because as infuriated as she was at the boy's action, she had, shamefully, _liked_ the tingling left behind on her lips.

The warriors all left that morning, and did not return for three days. Sesshomaru arrived with them, looking as elegant as ever but also very, very tired. The hanyou Inuyasha was wounded severely, but otherwise fine, mainly due to the constant care he received from Kagome, who looked to be just as battered herself. The monk was holding the taijiya close to him, and she appeared to be asleep at first, until Rin saw her shaking and heard her sob. Everyone seemed depressed, but Sango was bereft with grief. And that's when Kohaku's absence hit Rin in the chest with a cold force.

What was left of him was cremated and buried at dawn the following day. Rin returned to the shiro with Sesshomaru-sama, Jakken-sama, Aun, and a guilty conscience.

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It felt as if they already were kissing; the electric charge she felt in the air against her lips sent shivers down to her toes. For a moment, Rin held her body still and reveled in the knowledge that Sesshomaru-sama, the great Lord of the Western Lands, was about to kiss his human ward, the girl-child he had raised into adulthood. Her eyes danced about as she waited excitedly for what she knew to be coming. She felt her knees suddenly fall weak beneath her, and before she could get a hold of herself she wobbled and began to pitch sideways.

He caught her in a firm embrace around her back, and let her steady herself on her own before he relaxed his grip. His hand moved from gripping around her waist to settling softly in the small of her back. Rin's breath hitched and her eyes widened when she felt his fingers each trace against the fabric of her robe, enough so that it tickled her skin slightly. But he made no other movement towards her; he merely locked his joints in place and continued to stare down at her, with his eyes growing ever darker.

He…he _wasn't_ going to kiss her, after all.

The realization hit Rin in a cold rush, and she felt her lip quiver as she turned her face away from his gaze. But she had been so _sure_ that they were going to kiss just a few moments ago. He should have lowered his lips to hers when he caught her waist and pressed her body up against his own. Idly, Rin realized that he was not wearing his armor, but he still felt very hard against her own flesh. He was a man of strength, after all. Of great strength and power that Rin could never fully comprehend or have. Suddenly she felt herself grow even smaller in her lord's shadow, and with sadness in her heart, she unlaced her fingers and started to pull her arms down and back to her sides.

Sesshomaru bent his head to the side quickly and caught one of her hands between his jaw and his shoulder. He nuzzled against it gently to unfold her palm against his face, and closed his eyes. Rin watched his face ever so slightly contort into a grimace, and then a frown, before his features smoothed themselves into the cool and unaffected look she knew so well. He raised his eyebrows gently as he opened his eyes and stared at her anew. The tingling sensation on her lips had returned, and Rin gasped as she felt his fingers ever so slightly glide out and down from the hollow in her back. The knot in her body now extended from her throat, to her heart, to her stomach, while her knees trembled once more.

But…why did she feel like this again? He was giving her mixed signals, and Rin was going out of her mind trying to interpret his thoughts through his actions. She felt like she was going to laugh and cry at the same time, and with her eyes she pleaded for some sense of direction from her master.

"Rin," he whispered smoothly.

She understood. Sesshomaru righted his head and released her hand, letting her once more hook her fingers at the back of his neck. He growled softly in his throat, never taking his eyes from her, and Rin thought she would ignite into flames from blushing so hard. It was…not a sound she had heard her lord make before, but yet she understood why he had made it. He was trying to entice her, sending little chills through her body while comforting her doubts in his intentions. Now she knew what he wanted. But how would she reach him?

Rin first tried pulling herself up to him with her arms, but she still fell short. What she needed was something to stand on, and her toes absently searched for something on the floor she could use easily. One of her big toes stubbed against his boot, and an idea hatched. Rin looked down quickly to be sure of her footing, then looked up as she tentatively began to place the weight of her foot down on the top of his boot. His arm grew tight against her in order to provide support for her balance, and Rin confidently let both of her feet carry her weight from atop his boots.

She had waited for this moment, wanting it to happen for so long without ever really realizing it. Every nerve in her body ignited from underneath her skin, and to her horror she felt her mouth go dry. They were actually going to kiss. There would be no going back from this moment. After their kiss, their relationship as they knew it would be permanently altered, and either a new bond would be forged, or whatever was between them would crash to the floor to be broken forever. There was danger in kissing a demon. Rin could acutely feel his claws pressing into the fabric of her sleeping robe. She knew that underneath those lips she was longing to kiss, were sharp, vicious fangs that had ripped the flesh from creatures much greater than she. A thread of blood bolted across both of his eyes, and she could feel the weight of his youki enveloping her body. He could break her to pieces in many ways. And the question was: did he care at all for her?

Rin was pulling herself upward slowly with her arms, while a flurry of emotions pounded inside of her head. Was he merely lusting for her? Did he care for her as more than his traveling companion? Was this to be their only kiss? Would he send her away? Was he merely curious? Was he testing her to see how she would behave? Would he hold her and kiss her again and again after their first? Would he leave? Would he…stay?

Sesshomaru growled softly once more, and her thoughts were out the window, leaving Rin with a blank mind. Her lips were coming closer and closer to his, and she grew suddenly afraid that her heart would burst from her chest and she would die right then and there. She could feel his breath across her face, and to her surprise she found him to be breathing quite raggedly. The great Sesshomaru-sama was just as nervous about kissing a little human girl as the little human girl was nervous about kissing him. This was _it._

Their lips brushed tentatively, before Sesshomaru finally lowered himself to Rin and parted his mouth against hers.

Rin felt herself grow dizzy, her body temperature repeatedly rise and fall, and her heart burst causing fireworks to light underneath her eyelids. In the back of her mind, she remembered dying felt similar to this. But quickly she was filled with new sensations throughout her body that led her into untried territory. Her hands moved of their own accord; one reached up from his neck to grasp into his hair, while the other moved down and around his ribcage, ending with her fisting the fabric covering the middle of his back. She wanted to push herself closer to him, and rose up onto her tip-toes. His hand moved to rest between her shoulder blades, and crushed her to his chest. Rin was panting for breath through her nose, but she didn't even notice. She felt his tongue tap once against her bottom lip, and she hungrily accepted him into her mouth.

Now, Sesshomaru was growling again, and tilting her backwards. Never once did their kiss break as he bent forward with her. Rin felt his fangs nip lightly against her lower lip, before he began slowly ending the kiss; first by removing his tongue and then pecking her lips gently before finally breaking all contact. Rin opened her eyes to see Sesshomaru staring intently into hers with a definite torch of longing flickering within his golden irises. She whimpered gently, mourning the loss of the kiss, and half begging for him to start again. Sesshomaru smiled gently, and pulled her back into an upright position.

He didn't seem to acknowledge the cooing of the young woman in his arm; he looked intently into the dark shadows of her room and held his breath. Rin twisted her head to see what had captured her lord's attention away from her so quickly. But there was nothing out of the ordinary to be seen. It was her room, just as she had left it. The covers of the bed were turned down. The window was open and the gossamer summer curtains were shifting with the barest breeze. Her dried flowers, and drawn pictures, and few toys that served as artifacts of her childhood all held their positions on her dressers. She looked to Sesshomaru once more, and found him still staring ahead, with his brow furrowed. Rin choked.

He was debating if he would enter, or not.

A fierce bellow of courage pounded within Rin's chest. Did he just expect that her kiss had been her _consent_, for him to do whatever he wanted with her? Was he so sure that she would kowtow to his pleasures, his desires, now that she had given him the slightest submission? Her mind warred with her heart; this behavior was not characteristic of her lord. He had cared for her, and protected her from all things dangerous. But by kissing him, she was no longer merely his ward. She was his woman; whether her role was to be his lady or his mistress was to be determined. He _should_ expect her to obey him. But like this? Was loving him going to be an order? Did he…not truly love her? Rin's gaze narrowed, and she braced herself for protest. If he was to force her, she would not go without a fight. And while she surely would be broken for it, she would not quietly descend into his desires against her will. He would be made aware of that.

But Sesshomaru made no movement, save for lowering his face to look upon Rin once more. Again, his expression was chiseled in stone, leaving him looking slightly bored. Rin tightened her fists in his shirt and hair, and locked her body against his. He immediately recognized the signs of her resistance, and slackened his grip on her. He stepped back, letting her go altogether, and Rin stumbled off her perch from his boots to the floor. She stared at him, startled and bewildered, not quite knowing what to make of it. His eyes grew serious, and his lips pressed together into a thin line.

"Rin," he said in his rich baritone. _You choose._

She nodded her understanding. It had been right for her heart to feel that he would never treat her in that fashion. Her fears from the uncertainty and newness of it all had clouded her vision, but she could see him clearly now. Sesshomaru was a demon by birth, but always a gentleman first. He was a noble, and acted thusly out of centuries of practice. _Centuries_, she mused, _and I am but twenty._ He had not changed at all during the near decade she had been with him.

_No_, she reprimanded herself, _he has changed_. He acted differently towards her, ever since she had shed the mantle of her childhood with her blood. He gave her more independence to pursue her own desires, and with that came his trust. He did not doubt her obedience to him, and she in return gave him no reason to. He insisted that she use her manners with frequency and proper execution. He trained her in self-defense, and taught her how to use a sword. The clothes he had made for her were patterned with flowers, not the bright checkers of her youth. She was made to walk behind him, with Jakken beside her as a proper escort, even through the thickest woods. He had been treating her as a grown woman. Now, his eyes were looking at her, as a grown man gazes upon a grown woman. He was acting as her suitor.

A pale blush blossomed on Rin's cheeks, and she smiled dumbly to herself. He was…letting _her_ decide what _he_ was to do in this relationship. She lifted her hands to her mouth to hide the ever widening smile there, and felt any lingering apprehension fade. But a cold vice grip settled in her chest when she looked up to see Sesshomaru starting to walk away from the door frame.

"My lord!" she cried out.

He stopped in his tracks and turned once more to look at her. His face was most patient, but she noticed his hand was drawn into a fist. He was anxious, probably more so than Rin herself. If she hesitated again, she might lose him.

"Won't you come in, please?" she whispered, cursing her inability to sound sure of her decision by the meekness of her tone.

He nodded once, then bent forward to remove his shoes.

Rin swelled with his touching gesture. Though it was her room, it was his house, and he did not even remove his shoes in his own doorway. He was above this archaic and _human_ gesture, yet he was showing her the respect of performing it for her. It was his house, but it was her room. He would enter her space with respect. The boots were placed just outside the doorway, and the door was pulled shut.

"Will you not sit?" Rin stammered, gesturing towards the bed.

She did not pay much attention to his movement. Her mind was still dazed from trying to absorb everything that had just happened. She was grappling to understand what it all could mean. Rin clutched her hand to her chest and struggled to control her breathing once more. She must appear so silly before him, panting as she was. With a jolt, she straightened her stature and ripped her hand away to her side. Her gaze was solid, but her eyes were fearful and uncertain. He sat on the bed and blinked. Again, he was waiting for her to determine the action taken; he was waiting for her move.

Her feet carried her to the bed, where she sat down beside him.

She said nothing at first. Instead she merely smoothed the wrinkles from the lap of her robe, and straightened her posture in an effort to appear tall next to him. Even sitting, he managed to tower over her. Shaking, Rin reached out a timid hand to place it atop his own, before she looked to his face. He looked back, waiting for her.

"Will you…" she faltered, then swallowed. "Will you kiss me…again?"

He slowly nodded. Rin licked her lips. She watched his slow descent upon her with wide and eager eyes, longing for the moment when she could feel his skin make contact with hers once more. He stopped himself only a second before they would have kissed, and Rin gasped in disappointment. Sesshomaru quickly silenced her doubts once more with his mouth, but not before he genuinely smiled. Rin could feel the tug of the muscles in his face, and she couldn't help but smile back.

The first kiss had been exciting in and of itself, but Rin still managed to keep her grip on reality. The second kiss engulfed her completely, until her only sensation was of her, and Sesshomaru. Time stopped.

In a sweeping move, Sesshomaru scooped his arm underneath Rin and pulled her across his lap. She in turn grabbed hold to him with one hand gripping his shoulder and the other cradling his face. He was breathing harder, and his mouth and tongue were more demanding. It felt like her heart was breaking to pieces, then suddenly squeezing back together again. She knew he was growling because she could feel the vibrations from within his chest, but she heard nothing. His voice was beyond the range of her human ears, and mournfully she wondered what it would sound like if she could detect it. But her thoughts quickly drifted to his hand crawling up to her neck, while his arm simultaneously pushed her legs behind him onto the bed. Now, only her torso was in his lap, and Sesshomaru was beginning a full attack on the girl's senses. If her lord knew how to do anything, he knew how to attack what was before him. He broke the kiss, only to gently scrape his fangs down her neck, and follow back up to her mouth with gentle kisses over her skin. When a soft moan of delight vibrated her inexperienced throat, he dragged her body into an upright position against his chest. Now, Rin was kneeling in the lap of her guardian turned lover, and she quickly decided to take advantage of the situation.

Her hands rushed greedily to comb down to the end of his silver hair; they would then return to his chest, and her blunt fingernails dragged down the front of his shirt. She pressed her mouth against his more surely, and…she was swiftly losing the ability to stop herself. Rin was too naive to know anything beyond what she was now learning from her first time kissing, but it did not mean she wasn't trying. Much to her dismay, she felt her partner begin to pull away from her touch. Rin whimpered loudly when Sesshomaru leaned back out of her immediate reach, and her hands darted forward to try and tug him towards her again. He calmly batted her away at first, but she stubbornly persisted, not understanding why his affections had suddenly turned so cold.

"No," he commanded gruffly, grabbing her wrists together in his one hand.

The poor girl was shaken to her core. What had she done wrong? Why was he stopping her? Was this all? Would he now leave her alone, in the dark? The tears pricked the corners of her eyes, and Rin screamed to herself to not let him see her cry.

Apparently, Sesshomaru was already attune to her distress, and slackened his grip. "Shhh," he breathed against her ear, "this is enough, my Rin. You are tired, and need to sleep."

Her heart both leapt and fell with that statement, for while he had verbally claimed her as "his," he was also dismissing her in the same breath. He gently scooted her from his lap, fighting against her squirming towards him in protest. Once she was fully on the mattress, he rose and stood before her. Rin knew better than to try and grab hold of him again; it would make her appear pathetic. Her hands stayed crossed over her wildly beating heart, and she used her eyes to recapture him instead. _Please_, she begged in her mind, _I don't know what it is that I want, but I know I don't want you to leave!_

The demon stretched his arm and brushed his claws through the stray wisps of hair circling her face. He breathed sharply out his nose, as if he was contemplating something that displeased him. But his eyes softened, and his towering posture relaxed.

"This Sesshomaru will stay," he said quietly.

During that moment, Rin's body and mind separated completely. Her body nodded, then moved to the other side of the bed to make room for her master. Her mind panicked, leaving her madly questioning her acceptance of this declaration and sobering from the depth of his actions. He was sleeping in _her_ bed. The Lord of the house was sleeping in the bed of his…what was she? What did she mean to him? Did he even know what he meant to her? Why, he was her whole world! There was nothing beyond him in her heart. Even if he had never shown her an ounce of physical affection, she would have followed him to the ends of the earth, until the end of her days. Surely, he must be made aware of that, because it would help him to understand what _this_ really meant to her. Then perhaps, if she meant little to him, he would think better of breaking her heart. When her mind came back, it found her body underneath the covers next to Sesshomaru, curled tightly against his chest and embraced by his arm.

"Sesshomaru-sama," she sobbed, "Rin…" She stopped herself. If she resorted to her informal and childish way of speaking, he would never take her seriously. She cleared her throat. "I love…"

"This Sesshomaru knows," he interrupted her smoothly. His chin rested on the top of her head. From her viewpoint, she watched him swallow deeply, and listened to him sigh.

"Oh," she answered dumbly.

He pulled her tighter against him, and dragged her up so she would be eyelevel with his face. "You have…this…," he stammered. His brows furrowed in frustration with himself, and he quickly shook his head and pulled himself up to once again speak into her ear.

"You are not acting in vain," he murmured, then placed a lingering kiss to her cheek.

Rin felt her face warm with another blush. "Oh," she sighed happily, closing her eyes. Her arms slid up his sides and hooked around his shoulders. Content in her understanding of her lover's sentiments, she nuzzled her cheek against his neck.

"Sleep," he ordered her once more.

Rin yawned. "Hai," she softly answered. Already she was struggling to stay awake. The warmth and security that his presence provided was worlds beyond the sound of his footsteps. The last thought she had before being pulled into a deep and peaceful sleep, was wondering how Jakken would react to seeing Sesshomaru's boots outside her door in the morning.


	2. Bed

_Bed_

Disclaimer: I don't own _Inuyasha_, but I do have Sesshomaru's Japanese voice actor Narita Ken locked in my closet. creepily laughs

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Rin's family had lived in a barn as long as she could remember.

Her father was a stable hand, and worked at feeding livestock, mucking stalls and pens, and seeing to the security of the animals against the threat of thieves and wolves. The wolves were the worst. They did not fear anything, not fire, not the blade of a sword. They had to suffer a blow before they understood that their foe meant business; then they would slowly slink back into the woods, always looking over their shoulders. Rin's father had scars on his legs and arms from times when the wolves had come too close. In the ten years he had worked for this house, only one pig had been injured, and two chickens eaten. Rin's father could point to the scars—on his back and right arm, respectively—he had earned in disgrace. The others were borne proudly.

Her mother had worked in the house of the people who owned the land. While the family was not exactly noble, they did own the second richest house in town, and thus earned the respect and humility of the people. Rin's mother first worked exclusively as a cook, but eventually became a wet-nurse and nanny to the children that were born. Rin was allowed to play with the children a little, until they became old enough to start school. After that, she began to learn to help her mother with her house-hold duties.

Her brother Nori was two years older. They were inseparable companions; she was the voice and he was the ideas. Together, they worked and played. Together, they ate and slept. Together, they laughed and fought. And this was perfection in their eyes. They had everything they ever needed, and every friend they could ever want. True, it was fun to play with the other children, but the other children didn't have as vivid imaginations like they did.

Rin and Nori would often pretend they were samurai, sent to defend the house and its family from demons and thieves. It was their favorite game. Nori would wield a short pole that once had a hoe attatched to it; Rin would always cut herself a fresh green switch and don her domed straw hat. Their enemies varied, and only they could see them. Sometimes, they sliced through a horde of marauders, bent on besmirching the honor of their house's lady. Nori had heard the word "besmirched" as it was spat from the mouth of a friend of his mother's in the village; the exact quote had been, "If I had the strength to kill that scoundrel the blacksmith apprentices for besmirching my daughter's honor, he would suffer that even the _gods_ would cringe." He didn't know exactly what it meant, but he knew it was bad and it happened to girls.

Sometimes, they fought demons. The village had been pestered by a spiteful black fox demon two winters past, and eventually a taijiya had to be hired to exterminate it. But Rin and Nori had seen it, escaping into the woods with a stolen armful of trinkets from the villagers. Nori had sneered, calling it a vicious brute and ugly. But Rin saw something different, that she never told anyone but herself in her dreams. As the fox was running away, it turned to look over its shoulder and met eyes with Rin. It's face was drawn into a scowl, but Rin did not sense any anger behind it, because of those eyes. Those big, ice blue eyes spoke to Rin. The fox was sad. He was lonely, and hungry, and hurting, and scared. And then he was gone. Within a week he was killed, and his body sealed in a tiny shrine to prevent his spirit from exacting revenge. After that, Rin didn't want to fight demons with her brother anymore. Sometimes he would happily switch their mission to bandits, but sometimes he would stubbornly insist upon demons. Rin only fought half-heartedly those days, and her frustrated brother would become bored and leave her to pursue his own adventures while she sat quietly and remembered the fox. She secretly decided that not all demons could be evil, especially not the ones with pretty eyes. This was the only secret she ever kept from anyone, and it both thrilled her and shamed her.

They were a close knit, happy family despite their hard life. Poverty meant nothing to the children; while the siblings grew up inside two different socioeconomic classes, they did not see a line drawn between them. This was the way things were supposed to be, after all. Their parents did little to discourage this view either, hoping this belief would remain untainted into Nori and Rin's adulthood. But it was not to be.

It was Nori who came up with the idea. He had seen one in the house, and because the design was simple, he set about to make one. He gathered every piece of scrap fabric that he could, and would sew them together whenever he had a spare moment. Rin would often wake in the middle of the night to find her brother still working diligently on his new project. To be so young and consumed by such passion, it was a sign to Rin of what potential lay dormant within her heart.

"What are you making, nii-chan?" she asked. She never called him by his name; he was always addressed in the familiar term of endearment for "brother." She was always Rin though, to everyone in the family. Her name was endearing enough to them.

"I'm making a bed," Nori answered. "I've seen one in the house; it's a big mattress stuffed with straw. We have the straw," he said as he grabbed a handful next to where he sat, "so we just need the mattress to put it in."

Rin wrinkled her nose. "But I like sleeping in the straw," she whined. "Why do we need a bed?"

Nori laughed. "Doesn't it itch you?"

"No," she replied, "it's soft and smells good and it's warm too."

The boy snorted his disgust. "Let me tell you something right now, Rin," he said, lowering his voice, "only animals are supposed to sleep in straw. We are not animals, we are people. We are supposed to sleep in a bed, so I'm making one."

"But why hasn't mama or papa made one for us?" Rin stubbornly asked.

"Because mama and papa are too busy," Nori answered in a matter of fact tone. Then he grinned, and pulled Rin close for a hug. "You'll thank me for this," he laughed, "you'll see."

Two nights later, the bandits raided the village.

The first targets hit were always the wealthiest houses. There stood to be a profit from them, in both food and wares. A core group of the roughest and meanest among them would sack the wealthy, while the remainder of the gang would terrorize the villagers and take what they could from their meager homes.

It was midnight when they came. Nori and Rin were hidden under the unfinished mattress, burying themselves deep in the straw. Their mother and father scrambled to free the livestock; wolves were meaner than bandits, but they had more honor in killing. They had just scattered the chickens and were about to set loose the hogs when the riders thundered over.

They were talking, and had angry voices from what Rin could hear. Both her father and the bad men were very angry. She heard her father start yelling something, an insult he had whipped Rin for saying before. She gasped; Nori pinched her to remind her to stay quiet. Then her mother started wailing. "No! No!" she was screaming. She was crying. Papa's voice was gone from the melee. Before she could make any sense of it, the barn doors came open and heavy footsteps shuffled in. Mama was with them, still screaming.

Nori lifted the mattress ever so slightly to see what was happening. Rin dared not move, so she waited and watched Nori's reaction to find out what was going on. His face grew cold and hardened. "They're hurting mama," he said through clenched teeth. "They're _hurting_ her."

Rin covered her hands over her mouth. Her eyes filled with tears. _What do we do? What do we do?_ she thought madly. Should they run?

"Nori!" mama was screaming. "Run! Nori run!"

Mama was telling them to run. Rin looked to her brother to follow his lead, but he was no longer there. Through the gap in the fabric, she could see him standing with the scythe in his hand. Papa had told them to _never_ touch the farming tools, especially the scythe. Someone could get hurt.

"Nori!" Rin whimpered, quiet as a mouse.

Her brother charged the men and began swinging his weapon. Two of them were cut badly, and jumped back yelling and cursing and bleeding. The others quickly grabbed Nori and pulled the scythe from his hands. The tallest of them drew his sword, but Rin did not see what happened next. Another one of the bandits was stalking over to the mattress, obviously knowing that the boy had come from underneath it, and wanting to see if there were anymore people hiding. Rin wiggled deeper into the straw, just before the man stopped to investigate. She heard him lift the mattress.

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Rin's family was mildly religious and mainly superstitious. She had been told to pray to her ancestors whenever she was afraid or needed help.

"Will they help me make rice dumplings?" she asked hopefully. That was her least favorite thing to do. Endlessly pounding away at the dough until it was sticky was boring and hurt her arms.

"No," mama had said, laughing, "they won't help with that. But they will help if you're in really bad danger, like if a wolf is chasing you."

Rin shivered. "I don't ever want that to happen," she whimpered.

Her mother patted her on the head and smiled sweetly. "You don't ever have to worry," she murmured, "because angels watch over little girls. They won't let anything happen to them."

"What's an angel?" Rin asked, her voice muffled from being buried in her mother's apron.

"An angel is the most beautiful person you've ever seen," mama explained excitedly. "They wear white and they help girls and women when they are the most afraid. I've seen one!"

Rin gasped, her eyes going wide, "Really?"

Her mother nodded. "Yes my Rin, I promise!"

Rin clapped her hands. "Where did you see it? What was it like? Can I see one too?"

Mama bent over and scooped Rin into her arms. She balanced Rin on her hip with one arm, and used the other to continue stirring the soup that would be dinner to the family who owned the house. With any luck, there would be enough left for Rin and Nori's dinner as well. "He was very handsome," mama began with a dreamy far off look in her eyes. "I was in the woods digging for roots, when I was about 15, and a snake bit me. I had known someone else that got bitten by a snake, and she had died. Oh, I was so scared."

Rin cuddled her head into her mother's neck. She had seen a snake once. It did not seem like something real to her. It was more like a wisp of smoke, and then it would be gone and the onlooker would be left dazed and unsure of what he saw. It was just unnatural to see something move over land without legs or feet; there was something evil about it. But one thing was for sure: to see a snake was to feel your soul freeze, and you had to wait for it to thaw again before you could move. Rin felt sad for her mother.

"I started crying," mama continued, "and I was so afraid that I was going to die too! But then I saw a man coming towards me. The sun was in my eyes, and my eyes were already blurry from my tears, but I _knew_ it was a man from the way he walked. He was wearing white."

"The angel!" Rin exclaimed happily.

"Yes Rin," her mother chuckled, "it was the angel. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him what happened. He moved so quickly, I knew he wasn't human! He had me in his arms and was running to my village. I fell asleep like that, and did not wake up for days. I dreamed the angel was always with me though, watching over me while I slept and talking to me. When I woke up, I saw someone in white clothes and I was sure it was my angel, just like I had dreamed! But then I looked up, and I saw his face, and knew he was a man, a human man. I was so disappointed."

"What happened?" Rin cried. "Did the angel go away?"

Mama shook her head and put her forehead against her daughter's. "No, he didn't go away. He just changed."

Rin's eyes were bright. "What did he change into?" she whispered.

"Your father," her mother replied with a sly grin.

"Do all angels do that?" Rin asked.

Mama nodded. "For most girls, yes, they do. Especially the pretty ones, like you!" Mama put down the wooden spoon she had and tickled Rin. The little girl squirmed and squealed. When it was deemed that they had played enough, Rin was put back on the ground and her mother returned to cooking.

"Will I ever find an angel?" Rin begged.

Mama shrugged. "You'll just have to wait and see. Now, go find your brother and tell him that it's time to eat. There's enough soup here to feed an army!" And with that, she kissed Rin and patted her behind to encourage her out of the kitchen.

Rin hoped she could find her angel without having to get bitten by a snake.

888888

Rin prayed to her ancestors now.

_Please,_ she begged, _let mama and papa and nii-chan_ _be safe! Please don't let that man find me!_

Suddenly, the man stopped, and let the half-way lifted mattress fall. Someone was yelling, and the other men were scuffling and scurrying about, taking as many things as they could, then they ran away.

Rin stayed hidden for what seemed to be a very long time. It sounded to her as if the wind was roaring outside, and at first she was scared to come out. But she had not heard her family's voices in all that time. Had they run away and left her all alone?

The girl emerged cautiously. It was dawn now, but still dark enough that she could see what had been making the wind noises. The house was on fire. Immediately Rin jumped up and ran towards the door. She didn't know if the barn was on fire too, but she knew she had to get away while she still could. Mama and nii-chan were there, by the door, laying down. They must have fallen asleep. She called out to them. She ran to them.

She stepped in their blood.

Rin had learned about death by watching her father slaughter the pigs. Pigs bled a lot, and screamed and screamed until they suddenly would fall silent. Then, papa told her, they were dead. The pig's skin turned grey and cold. It never woke up. It was gone, to somewhere or sometime that the dead go. Rin knew for sure that the dead do not come back. And her mother and brother were dead. Rin screamed and screamed, the fell silent. The little girl collapsed on the floor.

When she woke up, she was in a hut. There was a woman fussing over her, washing her hair. At first, Rin thought she was still in danger from the fire. She tried to jump up, but the woman held her down. Instead, she darted her eyes madly about the room in search of danger. There was none. It was a hut, just like any hut she had visited in the village.

"Poor thing," the woman was saying to someone else, "she doesn't know where she is or what's happened."

Rin remembered then. She looked down to her clothes which were piled beside her on the floor. They were stained with blood. She had been bathed from her toes to her hair, but her clothes were still soaked with blood. Rin softly wept.

The woman gave her a tattered pink robe to wear. "We found you in the barn, Rin," the woman explained. "My husband and I, we were running away from the fire and ran through the barn. We knew your family lived there, my sister-in-law worked in the kitchen with your mom. That's how I know your name. We saw you, and your…," she paused, then shook her head and changed the direction of her story. "Anyway, you were still alive, so we picked you up and took you with us. We're in the village my sister lives in, this is her house."

Rin nodded, out of lack of anything better to do.

The woman smiled bravely. "You can come live with me, if you like. We can't go back to our old home. Everything was burned to the ground, you see. But I don't have any children, and I've always thought a little girl would be nice to have around the house. Would you like that, Rin?"

Rin shook her head.

"Oh, oh alright," the woman quietly agreed. "Well, you can probably stay with someone else then. I'm sure someone else would love to have you. You're so sweet, I'm sure plenty of people would be so happy to take you in."

Rin stared blankly. She wanted to cry, or scream that she would be fine on her own, or tell everyone to just let her go home. Somehow, no words would come.

The woman nodded and smiled again, suddenly nervous. "Okay Rin, let's take a walk and see if there's anyone else who can take care of you now." She stood up and held out her hand. Rin took it, and together they walked outside.

Rin felt her voice die in her throat that day. She felt her mind and body separate, and her mind flew back to the barn to be with her family that was dead. The villagers were bothered and deeply disturbed by Rin's body's peculiar silence and blank stares. She refused to bathe, ate sparingly, and would make no sound even when hit. People politely declined. The little girl was let to wander freely, and beg for scraps. She found an old abandoned hut by the river, just outside the boundary of the village. She lived there. She hunted her own food as best as she could. She still begged for what she couldn't. All the time, her mind stayed with her family, but as the months wore on, she began to reclaim pieces of it slowly. Rin noticed her new home was in bad shape, and needed a blanket to hang over the door and keep out the cold. Some flowers would be nice, to add some color.

She stole the blanket at night from a barn. It was an old horse blanket with holes, but it was also not something that would be missed right away. The next day, she ventured into the woods to try and find some roots to eat, and flowers. That's when she heard a noise.

That's when she saw the angel, sleeping in a bed of fur and bleeding on the ground.

888888

The transition to his room had been…difficult.

Lady Mariko was beautiful, and powerful. But she had never been stable minded. She was prone to suspicion and paranoia, and as such, no servant would approach her out of fear they would be killed. She had killed several, already. Only Chiyoko was trusted as a servant and companion. More than likely, it was because she was human, and seen as too weak to pose any kind of threat. As for Sesshomaru, he tolerated his mother's eccentricities admirably, but at the same time privately mourned as she grew worse and worse. Eventually, Mariko-sama's husband had to avoid all contact with her, at all costs, else risk her screaming and raving about how he was plotting to kill her as she slept. It was Mariko who was responsible for her death in the end; she ran a sword through her heart while poor Chiyoko watched helplessly. Her screams had brought father and son to the side of the dead wife and mother.

A month later, the young lord was packing his things together in order to have them moved to his mother's old room. Now that he was older, he deserved a grander room, more befitting to the heir of the Western Lands. Chiyoko was going to move into the Seshomaru's old room, in the wing occupied by the Inu no Taishio. She would be better protected there, it was believed, and she was too important to be careless with.

She glared at him sharply when he arrived at what he thought to be his new room. Chiyoko scowled, then demanded, "Why? Why should _I_ have to leave my mistress' chambers? Why should I leave the place where I served so well and _faithfully_?" She stretched out her arms and legs to form a blockade in the doorway.

Taken aback by the question, Sesshomaru stared blankly. He'd never actually considered Chiyoko would put up resistance to the move. She should be doing as she was told, reason or not. Yes, that was it. She just needed to be reminded of her place.

"This Sesshomaru," he sniffed, "does not have to explain---"

"—then _this_ Chiyoko," she sneered back, "does not have to move."

Sesshomaru had only recently trained himself through deep meditation how to school his face in a constantly bored look. At any second, he wanted to appear as if he was going to roll back his eyes and stare blankly into a far corner, because it held more interest than whomever he was talking to at the moment. It usually got people to say what was important quicker, and left them irritated at themselves for being intimidated after the exchange was through. Right now, though, he struggled to keep his features contained under his passé mask.

He raised an eyebrow. Chiyoko glared harder. He huffed a sigh through his nose. Chiyoko rolled her eyes and smirked.

"Move!" he finally barked, surprising himself at the immaturity of his response. But it had been said, so he had to stand by it. His voice was angry, so his face had to look angry in order to show he meant business. Mouth twisted, eyes narrowed, fists clenched, he stood down against the girl he was rapidly becoming attracted to as her rage increased.

"Make me!" she challenged.

For the briefest of moments, Sesshomaru thought he had heard wrong, and could have sworn Chiyoko cried, "Mate me!" But alas, his adolescent mind was playing tricks on him. Still, he felt the slightest condolence knowing that he would be able to touch her, in accordance to the rules of the childish fight they were presently locked in.

The young demon smirked. "Alright," he growled, then snapped both hands out to grab the girl by her wrists. The plan was to remove her hands from the doorway, then push her into the room where she would land on her rump and he would laugh at her. But Chiyoko was never one to go along with Sesshomaru's wishes. Chiyoko was one to do whatever she damn well liked.

With a strength Sesshomaru never thought any human could possess, Chiyoko gripped onto the doorframe with white knuckles and gritted teeth, not budging one hair. Now Sesshomaru was at a dilemma. He _could_ just push harder, but that ran the risk of breaking her wrists. He could also spray a fine mist of his poison, but he had yet to use this demonic weapon on a human and as such did not know what effect it would have. He could kick her in the shins, but something told him that she would just grit her teeth and snarl at him in defiance. That one didn't sound too bad.

Then Sesshomaru remembered his physics. It was so simple. All he had to do was unbalance her center of gravity, and she would fall easily under his hand. Quickly scanning her posture, he figured grabbing her hips would be his best shot. Hips were something Sesshomaru had only dreamed of touching, on any female, at this point in his life. It would be awkward, and embarrassing, but it was necessary. Before he could muster a chance to doubt, he rapidly grabbed Chiyoko's weight and pulled forward to unhinge her from the doorframe.

The girl squealed and let go much quicker than Sesshomaru had anticipated, sending her vaulting against his chest. Her body was quite warm against his silk covered chest; his stomach flopped around with nervous excitement. He felt his hands trembling, until he looked and saw them to be locked in place like iron manacles. The scent of Chiyoko's fear flooded his senses for the first time, and in alarm he looked down to see what might have spooked her so. Her whole body was trembling, but rigid in posture, as if she had willed herself into becoming a beam of lumber. When he looked to her, she looked up at him and her eyes flashed with pure loathing.

_What…,_ Sesshomaru thought dimly.

"LET ME GO!" Chiyoko shrieked. For added emphasis, she started pounding her fists against her captor's chest. Shocked beyond all measure, Sesshomaru quickly released the girl and stepped back. She stumbled, found her footing, then pinned the young demon with a look that could melt ice, and boil the water left behind.

"Don't you _ever_," she hissed, venom dripping from her voice, "EVER! touch me like that again! You presumptuous…spoiled…youkai brat!" Chiyoko threw up her hands, then stomped past Sesshomaru, snapping her braid in his face, before she was out the door. "Have the room," she muttered darkly, "I don't care anymore." And with that she was gone from his sight. He stood there, numb and bewildered at what had just transpired. Looking around, he noticed that nothing had been packed up. Part of him, the part that cared for Chiyoko's well-being, wanted to wait until the girl had calmed down enough so she could return to the room and pack what she wanted to be placed in her new room. But the part that won, the part that held his demon instinct, declared himself the winner of yet another battle, and to the victor goes the spoils. _He_ would decide what the servant girl could and could not have.

And because she had angered him so, it wasn't going to be much.

He would not see her again until much later in the day. Most of the house servants were moving Sesshomaru's belongings into the new room, and moving what little Sesshomaru was willing to grant Chiyoko into her new room. She was huddled in the corner, hugging her knees which were drawn up and covering all but her eyes. At first, he paid her no mind. He even managed to forget she was there.

A servant strolled in, carrying a blue and white vase made from very fine china. Such an elegant bauble was common in the house, but this particular one belonged to Chiyoko personally. It had been a gift from the Lady Mariko on Chiyoko's 16th birthday. That had been the only birthday that she had been presented openly with a gift, in front of the whole household. It was meant to be the first piece of her dowry, for when she found a husband and would be permitted to leave the House of the West. Four months before Chiyoko's 17th birthday, Mariko-sama took her own life. There would be no more presents, no more dowry, and no more promise of a life of her own. She would remain in the service of the Inu no Taishio and his pampered son until she died.

The servant stumbled forward, and gripped the vase tightly, causing the china to squeal in protest. Chiyoko gasped.

Sesshomaru heard the noise, and looked for the girl to see what had upset her. Her eyes were large, and once again the scent of her fear was rising. She was staring intently at something, not blinking, as if she was trying to hold it with the strength of her stare. The young demon turned and easily found the source of Chiyoko's distress. Brusquely, he grabbed the servant toting the vase and pulled it from his arms, before pushing the startled man towards the door.

Chiyoko muffled a sob in her throat.

Sesshomaru grinned openly. With a manner of nonchalance, he threw the vase into the air, as if it were a creek stone.

Chiyoko cried out softly and rushed forward onto her hands and knees, as if she could catch the vase herself from a distance.

Sesshomaru caught the vase delicately, careful not to cause it any damage. Then he threw it up into the air and caught it once more. Smugly, he watched Chiyoko's distress over her favored possession. He continued his precarious game of catch, keeping his eyes on the vase and listening to the small whimpers from the corner of the room with a sadistic pleasure. Until he caught the change in the girl's scent, from a salty, sour, and cold odor, to a sulfur-like stench. He twisted his neck to see.

Chiyoko was livid. Her face was flushed, her fists were clenched even as she stood on all fours, and she was grinding her teeth quite noisily. No longer was she afraid for the welfare of her vase. She was infuriated at the person who was responsible for the jeopardy of the vase's future. Her eyes were dark and alluring, like two beads of pure obsidian; they were daring the admirer to reach past the sharpened teeth in order to touch the cool, smooth stones, and outright lying that it would be worth the danger.

She looked more beautiful than any demoness could ever hope to be.

Sesshomaru felt his stomach flop again, and he suddenly wanted to see what Chiyoko would be like in a full-on rage. Without thinking, he smashed the vase on the floor.

The girl cried out as if she herself had been the one laying in pieces on the rug. Kicking her body back into the corner, she resumed her earlier position, but buried her entire face in her arms instead. A storm of angry tears flooded her eyes, and she sobbed loudly. She was hurt, and she was furious. She looked, smelled, sounded, and felt like she would burst into flames and destroy the entire house at any given second.

Sesshomaru was once again divided. He wasn't sure exactly what had possessed him to break the vase; it had never been his intention to do such a thing to begin with. But now that it had been done, he was left to ponder his next course of action. Part of him wanted to _apologize_, and Sesshomaru never, ever apologized. To apologize meant that your actions were ill planned, and the result was not your intent. He had never meant to hurt the girl; he merely wished to tease her. The other part of him, of course, wanted to gloat in pleasure at having devastated his opponent. But this time, he had trouble seeing Chiyoko as an opponent. She was more of a victim, and he was the persecutor. Perhaps, he _should_ apologize. Even humans didn't deserve to be treated like this.

"Chiyoko," he called softly.

Her head shot up and before he could say another word, his body froze. Chiyoko _hated_ him. He could see the hate proudly twisting her face as she glared at him. It was as if she wished her gaze could stab Sesshomaru in the chest.

"I will never, ever, _ever_ forgive you for this," she barely whispered, knowing full well that Sesshomaru would hear her clearly.

Sesshomaru _felt_ the words hit him coldly in the chest, and they _hurt._ Nothing _ever_ hurt. He wanted to beat her, make her cry out for forgiveness for what she had done to him. But there was still a niggling sense of self control that kept him from rushing over to the girl and carrying out his warped sense of justice. There was no going back now. The damage had been done, and nothing he could do, he thought, could right the situation.

Deliberately, he found the largest shard of the vase still intact, and crushed it under his boot. Then he pivoted on his heel and left the room, never to return. That evening, he tracked and killed a rouge samurai. It was the first human he had ever killed, and he knew it would not be the last. The weakness of the man as he struggled for his life against Sesshomaru's claws made the demon feel unstoppable.

"Pathetic," he hissed in the dying man's face, as he ripped the heart out from the chest cavity. Anything this weak did not deserve to be thought of as anything but prey.

He would not speak, let alone make eye-contact with Chiyoko until she died.

888888

The transition to his room had been…difficult.

The first major opponent to the move had been none other than Jakken. For about a week, he had thrown good sense to the wind and carried on in front of both Rin and Sesshomaru about how _wrong_ what they were getting into was. The biggest taboo of demon society was to take a human as a proper life mate. Concubines, mistresses, affairs, and one night stands were acceptable. But for a human to be declared the alpha female over the male, it was almost considered a sign of insanity. There would be no acceptance, no tolerance, and no exceptions. The faithful retainer argued loudly for this point, and earned himself a series of sound beatings.

But it was Jakken's other argument that almost got him killed. When Sesshomaru refused to renounce his courtship of Rin, the toady imp took up defense in the name of the girl he had grown attached to over the decade they'd traveled together. He stoutly cried that he would not stand by to watch Rin lose her future.

"This Jakken," he spat, "will not watch Rin suffer the deaths of her children by you!"

Rin had to throw herself on Jakken's body to prevent Sesshomaru's claws from inflicting further damage. The demon lord swiftly left the house, while Rin spent sleepless nights nursing her friend back into health. Sesshomaru was gone for a month. When he returned, Jakken threw himself at his master's feet with the most sincere apology he'd ever mustered in his life. Sesshomaru did not speak to either of his companions for another two days, when Rin realized that Jakken's words had not only given her lover anger to strike out, but also doubt to pull back. He was withdrawing his courtship for what he felt would be her own good, it seemed. And Rin wondered, was it truly for her own good?

True, she did want children. And it scared her that Sesshomaru might actually kill any child they produced. She knew well how bitter her lord was to his hanyou brother. Why would he change his standards for her?

But, he had changed his standards for her. She was human. The Lord of the West, well known for his vehemence towards human-kind, was engaging himself to a simple peasant girl. Could he change then for their children? Would he even consider having children at all? Would she have any say in this matter? Did it matter at all?

After Sesshomaru's return, Rin slept alone in her room. Although Sesshomaru had not taken to sleeping beside the girl every night, he had visited her bed frequently and warmly. Now, his tone was clipped bidding her good night, and his steps were solid carrying him to his own bedroom and slamming shut the door. This continued for a week. Rin was beginning to lose all hope of him loving her. The only thing that anchored her was the knowledge that she loved him, fiercely. No matter what happened, no matter the scenarios Rin could think of, she loved him. There was no cure. She woke up, and _knew_ she would die from wanting him. Then Sesshomaru coolly informed Rin that she would join him in his room that night.

_He will either kill me_, Rin thought, _or make me his wife_. _He either needs me, or he doesn't._ She wasn't sure about either, but she could not shake it from her mind. It also broke her heart that she was uncertain of which one it would be.

Her whole body was shaking the night she watched the moon rise to its peak. She had planned her course of action while waiting for the house to settle into its midnight slumber. When she entered the hall, she felt herself leave her body, and she watched overhead as her feet carried her slowly to his door. The knock brought her back to her senses, and she listened hard for a reply. It was as if the energy from every region of her body surged up to her ears, as she strained to hear any sign that he acknowledged her. She could discern a dying fire popping in the hearth. Papers rustled. The wind blew. No voice or breath greeted her plea for admittance. Gulping down a mouthful of air, Rin opened the door and stepped inside.

He was lounging on his mattress on the floor, reading. Rin knew how to read a little; he had taught her himself when she was young. Her eyes flicked uncertainly about, waiting for him to rush her, or yell at her, or both. He looked only a bit angry, but he made no motion to speak or stand. Rin walked forward.

"Stop," he barked, when she was about arms length from him.

The blood in her legs turned to stone. Gods, how had she ever talked herself into doing this? He was already angry enough with her; perhaps, if she left now…

"I trust your day went well?" he nonchalantly inquired, never taking his eyes off the paper.

Rin swallowed. "Well indeed, my lord," she stammered. "And yours?"

He nodded. "Well enough," he sighed, "but I am tired now." At that declaration he rose to his feet and quickly rolled closed the scroll he was reading. Sesshomaru stepped to the side, cueing Rin to take her place on the bed.

Rin felt her palms start to sweat and her spine begin to vibrate. This was it. So he wasn't going to kill her. That meant that he… This needed to be said and done. She needed to show him that she trusted him. She needed to tell him that Jakken's words meant nothing. She needed him to see how much she needed _him_.

Her body was already chilled with fear, but as she pulled the robe from her frame, she suddenly felt scorching hot. The fabric tumbled to her feet, and the armor of her modesty had been shed. In the nights they had spent together, he had scarce touched anything with his hand that did not have its own ability to touch him back. But there had been brief moments when some fingers would stray to her breast or her hips, teasing her with his knowledge of what lie beneath her clothes, but never teaching her. Now she stood before him with every part bared for inspection. It took a great deal of courage on Rin's part to not curl up on the floor and cry in shame. He had to see that she trusted him.

Sesshomaru's eyes were wide and his jaws clenched tightly. His body jerked up and he took several wide steps back and away from the girl.

"What are you doing?" he snarled.

"I…," Rin faltered. She hadn't expected this. Isn't this why she was here? Wasn't he supposed to take her into his bed and take the lead from there? He was supposed to see how frightened she was, and calm her fears with his lips. They were supposed to be together, but in that moment Rin felt the distance between them rip further apart.

"I…," she tried again, swallowing, "I thought this was what I'm supposed to do…"

He snorted, then glared hard into her. "What?" he bellowed.

"Please!" Rin screamed. "Isn't this what you want!" Her face went white when the tone of her voice registered in her mind, and she frantically looked down and away. She wanted to cry. This was supposed to make things _better_ for them, but it was turning into a disaster.

Sesshomaru snapped his spine straight. "Look at me!" he commanded. Rin obeyed. She could see the anger clearly on his face now, and part of her became afraid. Here she was, standing naked and defenseless in front of the most powerful demon in the West, and she had just made him furious. Her hands shook at her sides, wanting to cover herself up from his eyes, but her heart was too stubborn to let him see her shame.

He stood in stone silence for a lifetime of eight breaths. Finally, he spoke, low and cold. "Why do you do this?" he asked. His knuckles cracked as he clenched and unclenched his fist.

Rin blinked back tears. "You want this," she whimpered, trying to muster the strength to look away.

"You _presume_ to know precisely what _this_ Sesshomaru wants?" he roared.

_This wasn't happening! This can't be happening!_ He was supposed to tell her how beautiful she was. He was supposed to…take her, in his bed. To love her as a man loves a woman in that way. He was supposed to claim her body as his. As much as it had frightened and upset Rin when she made her plans, it only hurt her more when he _didn't_ act in the sly, brutish manner she had planned for him. She was giving him permission to take what he wanted, and it was obvious that he didn't want _her_. So he _was_ going to kill her then; kill her, and end his shame. Her chest felt like a black and empty tomb, waiting for the remains of her broken heart to settle within. The tears flowed freely now, and she smiled at him as bravely as she could.

"Oh," was all she could say.

His eyes grew larger and he bit his lower lip. Storming up to her, he grabbed her chin with bruising fingers and forced her face up to look at him, towering over her as always. "You will stop crying," he ordered bluntly.

"I cannot," Rin whispered, barely loud enough for herself to hear.

Sesshomaru shook his head. "You will stop crying and you will listen."

Rin sniffled. "Hai," she acquiesced. Her eyelids fluttered madly open and closed to halt the flow of her tears.

His features softened instantly. His eyes grew heavy and sleepy looking, and his lips slackened their hold on his teeth. "Yes, Rin," he murmured, "I have wanted this, for some time."

Rin hiccupped. "Then why-- ," she tried, but was cut off.

"You will be silent and let me finish," Sesshomaru hissed. The girl nodded as best as she could with her head held firmly by his hand. He continued.

He blinked his eyes, and the gold in his irises became bright. Gently, he loosened his grip on her chin, and moved to caress the side of her face with his palm. "This is not what I wanted from you when I decided to take you as a wife," he whispered. "This is not what I want you for."

Rin's lower lip trembled and her tears started again. It felt as if he had taken each piece of her heart and eased it back into place, one by one. This was the Sesshomaru that she knew, and not the one she had imagined. This was the noble man who never lied, and never tolerated lies. This was who she had fallen in love with. This was what she had dreamed for in a husband: eyes to see her for who she was, even though she was only human.

"You're crying again," Sesshomaru gritted, trying not to sound frustrated.

Rin laughed. "I am truly sorry," she choked. "I am…emotional right now."

"Hmmmm," was his reply.

She reached her hands up to grasp his arm, and nuzzled her cheek further against his palm. "Oh, Sesshomaru," she whispered, and smiled. This was what she had truly wanted. Children didn't matter right now. It wasn't the issue right now; here, she had just won the first and the hardest battle. He still wanted her. He was willing to give her time. They would figure out the rest later.

They stood in silence for a time, merely reassuring one another with their breathing. Finally, he asked, "Will you now come to bed?"

Rin nodded. "Yes," she sighed. She stood back from his body and waited for him to motion for her to crawl under the covers. But he stood just as still as she, as if he too was waiting for something. He cleared his throat.

"Put on your clothes," he gruffly told her.

Rin jolted in surprise, suddenly remembering that she was in fact naked. With great embarrassment, she covered herself with one arm as best she could, while she stooped and hooked the fallen robe within her other hand. Quickly and in a slightly clumsy manner, she dressed herself once more, tightening the belt about her waist for good measure. Sesshomaru nodded, then bent to lift the covers for her. She knelt to the floor and folded into the bed. He joined her once she was settled, his hand greedily seeking out as much of her body as it could hold, before he drew her tight against his chest.

"Sleep," he growled softly. "You have a long day ahead."

Rin nodded, and smiled before settling her mind into her rest. She wore the smile for the remainder of the night.

In the morning, Sesshomaru began instructing Rin of the duties beholding to the lady of the house.

888888

The second opponent to the move was Rin herself.

After that night, Sesshomaru no longer came to her asking entrance of her room. He would come to fetch her to his own chamber, which was unquestionably _his_ territory. If she declined, she would lose him, but if she accepted…then she would lose herself.

During the day, Rin busied herself with her new responsibilities. The daily chores were now her official mission, even though she had been doing them unofficially since she had first arrived at the shiro. While she had been sewing since she was 5, and made her own clothes since she was 9, they had always been simple designs with single layers. Now, her colors were to be white and red, with lavender obi, to match the colors of her new husband's family. The great Inu no Taishio before Sesshomaru had worn white, lavender, and black. When he had died, Sesshomaru replaced the black with red to his own liking, claiming his authority over the family title. Solid colors presented an obstacle to Rin, who was experienced at stitching against patterned backgrounds. She felt as if she was learning to sew all over again some days. But she worked diligently on her new wardrobe, and had completed two house robes, a new sleeping robe, and a slightly more formal kimono by the end of two months. She was working on a grandiose kimono, with many outer layers and long, trailing sleeves, but it would be a long time till completion. This was to be the outfit she would wear when entertaining the various other demon nobles that resided throughout Japan. If she could not be a demoness, she could at least look the part of the noble woman her title afforded her.

She was given dominion over the sparse staff of servants he kept: a cook, a maid, and a gardener. All three were demons who had served Sesshomaru's family since his father's father was a pup. Before the death of the Inu no Taisho, the house had been filled with servants. Sesshomaru only had the three, mainly because the rest had either been killed or run away in the chaos that followed his great father's death. Rin had met them after Naraku's demise, and they took her presence in stride. None of the three expressed any shock when she was newly introduced to them as Lady.

The cook was a fire demon, and a very distant relative of the sword smith Totosai. He was also just as, if not more, senile as his relative. Consequently, Rin was frequently addressed as Izayoi, the name of Inuyasha's mother and the last human to inhabit the house. Thankfully Sesshomaru never was around to hear it.

The maid was the only other female in the house besides Rin; she was a kappa (water demon), and resided in the lake behind the house. This was perfectly fine in the scheme of things; a bachelor, a little girl, and a toad living infrequently in a house did not create much of a mess to clean. Rin would bring the wash and dishes outside, and by evening they would be stacked and folded by the door.

The gardener was an old fox demon who had frequently charmed Rin when she was a girl by materializing flowers in her hair. He was not especially social, but he was fond of leaving pretty blossoms and trinkets around the garden for Rin to find. It made Rin nervous initially that she was being declared mistress over people she formerly labored with. But as time wore on, she did not sense any resentment from them, and she still did her best to work with them instead of over them.

Jakken and Sesshomaru worked together to provide Rin with a higher level of education. She was taught to read both ancient and contemporary script, and made to practice writing for several hours at a time. It had been determined at a young age that Rin was not blessed with a talent for any musical instrument; however, she could sing quite well, and was provided with a new repertoire of songs to learn. Though Jakken would never admit to it openly, he always enjoyed sitting by Rin as she sang. The human singing voice was not nearly as grand as a demon's, but Rin had a clear, steady tone that floated in the air a great distance before it thinned and vanished; Sesshomaru regarded it to himself as a bell ringing a crystal tone, beckoning people to prayer. What a surprise they would receive if they followed the call with pious intent, only to find a beautiful young woman beckoning to them with a siren's song. She had been performing a flawless tea ceremony since she was 13, and it was something she took great pride in doing every day. All in all, Rin took to the lifestyle of a lady quite well.

But being a lady and being a wife were two different things. She was gradually moving into uncharted territory with each passing night, and she felt powerless to stop its progress.

Her possessions were moved to Sesshomaru's room after a week had passed since she had first slept in his bed. _Her_ room was gone; it was _their_ room now. Rin had delayed going to bed as long as she could, but Sesshomaru was eventually able to firmly guide her into the room. She had wept quietly that first night, and he tried his best to not act resentful of it. Still, he was not content to lay quietly beside her for long. He had started touching more and more of her, and while she was excited by it, she was also terrified. There was no going back to sleeping alone. There was no going back to being just plain Rin. He had made it very clear by now that he intended to have her for his wife, and that meant the inevitable development of a carnal knowledge between them. Rin knew that she wasn't ready, but did her best to hurry herself to a point where she would be. Sesshomaru seemed content to take his time, however, and over the next month he devoted their love play to gradually changing Rin's apprehension to acceptance.

One night he had wormed his hand under her robe and over a bare breast; she had held her breath and gripped the sheets until he shook her gently, reminding her that she was still awake and alive. His palm was like a branding iron to her skin, but only after he removed it did the ache set in. Another night, she had relaxed her body and let her legs spread slightly apart. He had immediately filled the gap with one of his own legs, pinning her slightly underneath him. She caught her cry of surprise in her throat, but was more surprised to find her legs moving of their own accord to better accommodate her lover. By the time he finished kissing her, one of her knees was hooked on the back of his upper thigh. He was big, and he was powerful, and yet he was painstakingly gentle with her. And he always, always kissed her. Kissing was familiar, and as long as she had that, she had a semblance of control and security.

On one of her more timid nights, he'd managed to coax her from her clothing, and she lay naked and trembling under the covers while he kissed her. Before she knew what was happening, she was pulled to him with her back against his chest and his fingers stroking between her legs. She…was not quite sure of what had happened in the end, and she remained shaking and awake for an hour. It had felt like she was drowning, and it hurt because she couldn't breathe or see. But it had also felt _good_, and she struggled to make sense of it for several nights after.

On one of her braver nights, it was her unclothing him. He had struggled against her at first, pushing her hands away as gently as he could. But she had been faster than he had anticipated, and found his shirt being pulled from him before he knew her hands were on his chest. Sesshomaru growled his disapproval initially, but grew quiet as her hands slid up and down his back and ribs. Rin wasn't satisfied though. Her fingers began to crawl to his waist, and dip teasingly beneath the waistband of his pants. His growling started again, but he was panting as well. Lying on his back, his face was hidden from her as he stretched his neck and tilted his head backwards into the pillow. More curious than afraid, Rin let one of her hands slide completely beneath the fabric to the wrist. She gasped in response to feeling how _hot_ it was under his clothes, and looked up to see Sesshomaru arching his back while groaning softly.

She didn't have time to react. He pushed her onto her back and held her down by pressing into her collarbone. His eyes were impossibly large, and while it was dark in the room, there was enough light to show her they had been engorged with his demon blood. Rin's hands were lying palm up by her head in a gesture of surrender, while she quivered in fear under his strength.

"Please!" he sobbed. He was _begging_ her. "Don't!"

Rin shook her head. "I won't," she squeaked in reply.

Sesshomaru nodded, then hung his head while he caught his breath. His hand lifted from her chest and moved to the mattress. When it appeared he had calmed, he gradually lowered himself onto her body, then rolled off to the side. She clung to him instantly, concerned.

"Did I hurt you?" she pleaded. "Did I do something I shouldn't have?"

Sesshomaru smiled gently and lifted his claws so they could comb her hair from her face. "You are not ready for that," he sighed.

Rin blinked. "Ready for what?" Of course she was ready! She knew what she was doing! She was merely touching him. They had been doing it for several months. True, she had never touched him there before, but how different could it be? He must not like it then, or else she really _had_ hurt him and he wasn't saying. "My lord?" she pleaded.

He maneuvered both of their bodies so he could easily draw her close for a kiss. "You are not ready," he repeated. That was as much of an answer he was willing to give, it appeared, because he moved his hand down to rub her back.

Rin stubbornly refused to let go. "I don't understand," she insisted. "I am telling you I am ready and you tell me I am wrong. Why am I wrong?"

"Hmmm," he sighed, then deftly opened and shucked her robe off. Before she could protest, Sesshomaru pulled Rin's back to his chest and curled his legs underneath hers. His hand once again belted across her body, while his fingers flicked around the warmth between her legs.

"Are you sure that you are ready now, my Rin?" he purred into her ear. "Are you ready to become this Sesshomaru's wife?"

Rin groaned. It was hard to think straight when he touched her like this. Her open eyes lost focus of the world, so she closed them and found there were fireworks exploding beneath her eyelids. Her breath was choppy, and she squirmed against his touch, trying to stop it and encourage it at the same time. But there was something different happening than the last time. It felt like he had placed a stone between them, and was pressing it into her tailbone as he slowly rocked his hips. It hurt like it was going to bruise, and her hands began pushing him apart from her to alleviate some of the discomfort. He merely tightened his grip and pushed harder into her, preventing even air from coming between their bodies. His fingers moved with greater intensity, and her hands fell limp at her sides as she slipped further into whatever was drowning her. He was panting into her neck, and squeezing her tighter and tighter against his waist. Rin began to lose herself to her imminent death.

When she came up gasping for breath, she found Sesshomaru to be heaving as well. The hardness against her backside had vanished, and she quickly forgot it had been there to begin with. He was whispering foreign words to her, telling her something that eluded her muzzy consciousness. When they had at last fully calmed, he gently turned her body so that she could face him.

"Do you understand?" he murmured.

Rin narrowed her eyes. He had acted so differently just now. He was now covered with sweat and gasping just as hard as she was. When her back had been turned, it seemed he wanted to force himself through her skin and into…

Oh.

Rin blushed and nodded slowly as she looked away. He had wanted to…but he didn't, he'd stopped himself and stopped her. The shock of it all began to sink in. If he hadn't stopped her, would he have eventually taken her then? She was _not_ ready for _that_ yet, but she was getting close. To have blindly come to the edge was horrifying, but to have been led back by his hand and cradled in his self-control made Rin feel gradually calmer about the whole incident. He _did_ know how she felt, and he was respecting it. From how hard he had pressed against her, and how frantically he'd touched her, she knew that he had dearly _wanted_ to take her. But he didn't. He didn't, and he wouldn't until she told him he could. Once again, the great demon lord was waiting upon the will of a human girl.

Rin quietly began to cry.

"Don't cry," he half asked, half commanded.

Rin couldn't help it. She felt herself surrender into full sobs. "I'm sorry!" she wailed. "It's all too much! It's just…so much, I'm so scared!"

Sesshomaru rumbled an annoyed growl in his throat, but he embraced Rin tenderly and said nothing while he waited for her to calm down.

When she finally stopped crying, Rin wiped her eyes with her fingers and looked up at her lover's face. "I'm sorry," she croaked, her throat still scratchy from being wracked with her wailing. Then she smiled warmly, and added, "Thank you."

Sesshomaru blinked. For a time, he looked confused, as if he didn't know what it was he was supposed to say or do in this situation. He had hardly ever been thanked by anyone, outside of Jakken who frequently said thank you for being allowed to exist another day. Truthfully, he had been waiting for her to hate him for what he had just done. Much to his relief, Rin nodded, and seemed to accept his silence as her answer. He exhaled through his nose and tangled his claws in the hair at the base of her neck.

"Sleep," he said. She nodded into his chest.

"Love you," she mumbled, quickly dozing off.

Sesshomaru squeezed her with his arm, then pressed a warm kiss to the top of her head. He sighed heavily, slightly shaken from the tenderness the girl in his arms had just shown. "Ah," he replied, mouth going dry.

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She became his wife three nights later.

Rin revealed her purpose in their first kiss, and Sesshomaru gently followed her lead. He touched her where she touched him, kissed where she kissed, and savored as she did. Finally, a gentle nod and a soulful gaze had her beneath him, gritting out the difficulty of the first thrust.

She was no fool, and knew of the pain and blood she would have. But she also knew that he would not let her suffer long, and not selfishly bogart the pleasure of their first coupling, or any that should follow from that point on. So she did not despair from the ache she felt, and merely waited patiently alongside him until she was comfortable enough to make her own way. She tried to keep the tears from her eyes though, not from her hurt, but her joy. From past experience she knew her husband did not handle her crying for any reason well. But this time, he seemed to understand, and kissed each one that fell from her cheeks.

_If I were to die now,_ she thought, _I would have no regrets._

Surfacing from the torrent waters he pulled her under with his touch, Rin opened her eyes to see her lover's head bowed over her with eyes closed. He looked so _sad_ then, and her heart clenched and stopped to see it.

"My love," she breathed, "what…?"

Sesshomaru opened his eyes at looked to his wife. Red. His eyes were red, like they had been several nights before, and that wasn't all. Rin noticed the stripes on his face, that were usually so smooth, were now jagged, and the same deep red color as his eyes. His teeth were like needles, locked together uniformly as his jaws clenched, and his eerily illuminated white hair was unruly. At first, he was not looking at her, but through her it seemed. Rin knew this face, though she had seen it rarely. It was his true self, the demon that he was and the strength that he masked. She was a human, being looked at through the eyes of a very powerful demon. The realization that she was the wife of a demon hit her in the chest with a crushing force. She was lying in the bed of a demon who could kill her with a thought.

Suddenly, Rin found it difficult to breathe. She could literally _feel_ his youki pressing into her, trying to crush her frail body beneath him. It felt cold, and it shocked through her spine like a blade. She whimpered, for that was the most noise she was able to make.

Finally, Sesshomaru's eyes met hers. Looking at him like this, there was no mistaking that he was _not_ human, by any stretch of the imagination. Something was burning in the depths of the green slits that replaced his molten gold irises. Something in his gaze was grappling on to her soul. Something in his eyes looked back at her, and smiled wickedly. _Oh gods_, Rin gasped in her mind, _what have I done?_

But then he blinked his wide eyes, and swallowed deeply. Sesshomaru heaved a heavy breath, as if he had just had the air punched from his lungs. Before Rin could respond, a scorching heat ignited in her womb, then quickly began to spread under her skin. It was agony like none she had ever experienced; her eyes rolled back as she tried to scream, but could not draw a breath out of or into her lungs. Her nerves were exploding with pain before they died, bringing a veil of darkness clawing up her body.

_Youki_, she realized dimly. She was being poisoned from the inside. Her human body was struggling to survive against the invasion of his youki. Tears prickled the corners of her eyes. Was she going to die then, as she had foolishly thought would be so beautiful before? Her vision clouded, and then darkened. She could see Sesshomaru over her, watching with knowing eyes.

"Oh!" Rin half-coughed, half-sobbed. Blackness clouded over her vision, and a faint tang of blood stung her throat. It felt as if a thousand frigid needles were raking across the underside of her skin. The pain burst in a rush at her head, and the darkness she saw was replaced by a blinding white light. Then she felt nothing. Her body fell limp with sleep.

Sesshomaru heaved a reluctant sigh, before pulling the covers up and around both of their bodies. He had not expected this, though he was quite aware of its possibility. Rin's human body was simply overwhelmed by the presence of his full youki. Thankfully, it wasn't killing her, though it was a pity that she had to suffer because of it. This meant that, with time, she would eventually grow immune to its effects. But until then, she would still fall ill after exposure, and be weakened for quite some time afterwards. Protectively, he pulled his wife against him, then quietly began stroking her hair.

"You're safe," he whispered. And so, Rin slept, because she could do nothing else, and Sesshomaru lay awake and watched her through the night.

888888

Rin awoke two mornings later.

The dreams of that sleep had been strange and scattered, and her mind struggled to comprehend if she was in fact asleep or not. Sometimes, she was so sure she was awake and moved confidently through the landscape, until she woke to find herself in yet another dream. There was no day or night, and then followed countless days without a single night. She would drag through waking moments, and fight against sleep.

When her eyes fluttered open for real that morning, Rin convinced herself to believe the reality she found herself in. Overwhelmingly, she was hit with the desire for a bath within the first minute of consciousness. Her hair felt heavy and greasy. Her mouth was dry and tasted sour, but once she was able to swallow again it felt much better. Her eyes were taking an exceptionally long time to fall into focus; Rin was quickly growing frustrated with this. The world simply wanted to remain fuzzy this morning and she was going to have to deal with it.

Her ears felt like they had been stuffed with cotton, yet she was still able to hear Jakken-sama's distinctive squawking. As to exactly what he was saying, she wasn't sure, but she knew he was standing next to her, excitedly relaying an undoubtedly important message to her. Pity that she couldn't have used this excuse for ignoring him when she was younger.

A wet, cold rag was slopped onto her forehead, and Rin grimaced. Cold was not what she needed. The bath sounded even more appealing now; she was determined to find some way to let Jakken-sama know this. Apparently the grimace on her face was enough to get the toad to remove the cloth, but he did not make any motion to provide something of warmth for her. Rin shivered.

Jakken squawked again, and a blur of white stood before Rin's line of vision. Sesshomaru quickly bent down so he was eyelevel with the weakened woman; despite her foggy vision, Rin could tell he was frowning. Without warning and without a sound, he had scooped her into an embrace, and they were outside, sitting in the sunlight. The warm air felt invigorating to Rin, and she stretched lazily in an attempt to expose as much of herself as possible to the light.

When she had settled comfortably, Sesshomaru spoke. "Do you know why you are sick?" he boomed slowly.

"Youki," Rin managed to groan. The memory of her fear when she first felt its dark swelling presence within her blood rushed forward. The glint in his blood red eyes haunted her once again, and she swiveled her head to make sure he did not look the same now. His eyes were a light amber, and his face was hard-set, but Rin knew Sesshomaru was just as upset as she was. This calmed her slightly, and she licked her lips. "Your youki," she repeated, making sure Sesshomaru heard her.

"Yes," the demon replied, "it is this Sesshomaru's youki that poisons your frail body. But," he added gently, "it will not last. You will be back to yourself in no time."

Rin nodded dumbly. Right now, she was more concerned with getting warm than she was with figuring out why she was cold in the first place. No need in getting worked up when she felt tired and disoriented. Sesshomaru seemed content to just sit in silence and let her bask in the sunlight.

After a time, Rin acquired her sense of mind back, and began contemplating what had happened the night before. It felt like she was dying, all over again, except she knew she wasn't going to die. It hurt, but it did not frighten her. Youki, raw and exposed, was a nuisance to larger demons, dangerous to smaller demons, and deadly to humans. How she had survived, and why she was so sure of her survival, Rin did not know. But would she be so confident if it happened again? _Would_ it happen again? Was he disgusted with her weakness? Was he sympathetic to her pain? Was he…pleased?

"When…when you…," Rin stammered. Apparently, though her thoughts were clear, her tongue was still having trouble untangling itself. "Will there be…more?"

Sesshomaru frowned. He was unsure of exactly what to tell her. Part of him, the part that was frustrated beyond all measure with Rin's monopoly of her body, wanted to shout that it was his _right_ for there to be "more." Part of him wanted to ignore what her question was implying, and simply assure her that he would never let any serious harm befall her. Part of him wanted to ignore her altogether, and hope that she would go back to sleep. The part that won, though, was the part that remembered how much it hurt to look into the eyes of a woman uncertain of her future.

"It will be difficult," he gruffly announced, "and you will require a great deal of bed-rest. Over time, you will no longer feel anything from it. Until then, there is nothing more that can be done."

Rin looked to her husband with pleading eyes. _Comfort her_, he snapped at himself, _she needs that. She deserves that._

The great demon bowed his head, and planted a kiss on the woman's delicate cheek. "This Sesshomaru will never leave your side," he promised. "You will not suffer needlessly, or alone." And he meant it.

The woman nodded, and swallowed deeply. True, she was not looking forward to the coming weeks ahead. The thought of not being able to leave the bed for long periods of time also depressed her; she was never one to lie about, and still enjoyed running through the fields when she could. But this is the price she paid for being a demon's human mate. There really _was_ nothing that could be done about it. She was truly glad he was her husband, and she knew he would care for her always, because he always had. There was still so much she had to learn about life, but it felt immensely easy now. After all, he promised to stay by her side, and her lord did not lie. She couldn't help being a human, and he couldn't help being a demon. And neither of them could help being in love with one another.

Sesshomaru held onto Rin tightly, suddenly overcome by the silly idea to never let her go.


	3. Sword

_Sword_

Disclaimer: Everyone should go to New York right now and see the musical, _Wicked_. Oh, and I don't own _Inuyasha_.

888888

Jakken was on some silly quest to get some silly sword.

Rin grumped to herself as she led the dragon Aun to the creek. Jakken was so mean to her sometimes, always telling her to go away, or shut up, or to stop being such a stupid human. She wasn't stupid, had never been stupid, so Jakken-sama's insults fell to the floor with no weight. But she had always been human.

Could she stop being human?

She had heard the stories when she lived in the village. There were demons that were born demons, and there were demons that were made. Mu-Onna, the Nothing Woman, was made from the tears of the mothers who lost their children in war. Jakken had told Rin about the time Sesshomaru-sama called her into his service. She had betrayed him in the end, protecting what she thought to be her child. Jakken thought it was funny. Rin thought it was sad.

There were demons made from the spirits of things, like combs, or paintings, or pearls. There were animal demons and elemental demons. There were mindless carrion feeders, and there were nobles. There were some that looked human, and there were some that looked just plain disgusting. Rin had seen many different kinds of demons in her brief time spent with Sesshomaru.

There was Sesshomaru's brother, Inuyasha. Rin had never seen him, but Jakken had told her stories. Vicious, brutal, and animalistic, he was the one responsible for cutting off Sesshomaru-sama's left arm. Why, Inuyasha even looked like an animal, with ugly doggish ears on the top of his head. After all, he was only a _half_ demon, neither fully demon nor fully human. He was doomed to be rejected by both. Rin considered this Inuyasha character as she walked away and Jakken kept talking. It must be very lonely, to have no one want you. It also must be very confusing, to not know quite what you are. But he had a big brother there to be his family. If he was Sesshomaru's brother, he couldn't be _that_ bad. Her own brother could be mean at times, but he never meant it. He always looked out for her. And when he hugged her, he'd…

Rin jerked Aun's reins hard and dragged him into the water. She had to stop herself from crying. She was with Sesshomaru-sama and Jakken-sama now. They protected her. They cared for her. And she loved them very much. There was no sense in mourning for those long since dead. Wiping her eyes, she unfastened one of the saddle bags, and pulled out a scratchy rag. Dipping it into the water, Rin started scrubbing the dragon's scales, and remembered Jakken's hurtful words when he'd left.

"You're noisy! Shut up and go away!" he'd yelled.

"Jakken is an idiot," Rin muttered. There, that felt better. Out of the corner of her eye, a white flash caught her attention. It was a flower, a pretty white blossom with a golden tinge at its interior. An idea hatched in her head: maybe Jakken-sama would like her again if she brought him flowers! Sesshomaru-sama always seemed to like it when she brought him flowers, and he was never angry at her.

"Aun, stay here," she commanded. "Rin will be right back."

After picking enough flowers to her liking, and then having to discard some because she couldn't carry them all, she climbed on the dragon's back and clucked her tongue to make him go. They plodded along into the forest, but none of it seemed familiar to her. Rin was beginning to be afraid they were lost.

"Can you find Sesshomaru-sama?" she asked Aun.

The dragon's heads groaned and grunted, respectively.

Rin thought to herself. Jakken-sama was bound to be nearby. She could give him the flowers right away, instead of waiting for him to waddle back to Sesshomaru-sama. Then they would be friends again, and he might take her to pick melons that night in the nearby field.

She firmly grasped the reins. "Let's go find Jakken-sama then," she told the dragon. Aun roared an affirmative, and began to stomp off.

It took them a while to track the little imp, but at long last they had found him. He was toting a red cloth tied around a beat up sword. _That must be what he was talking about_, Rin thought. _He sure looks happy to have it._

Aun landed beside Jakken, who squawked in surprise.

"What are you doing here?" he fussed.

Rin pouted. He must still be angry with her. Maybe she would give the flowers to Sesshomaru-sama instead. "I couldn't find Sesshomaru-sama, so I found you instead," she explained.

Jakken puffed up and down, his head swiveling wildly like he was expecting to be ambushed. Suddenly, he whipped the cloth around and tossed the sword up to Rin. "Here," he yelled, "take it and fly off! I can't touch it because I'm a demon and it will hurt me, but you're a human so you can hold it fine. Now, don't you bother this Jakken right now!" He whacked Aun's withers for good measure, causing the beast to rear and take off. Rin watched as suddenly figures emerged from the forest, calling Jakken-sama's name.

_He's getting into a fight with someone_, Rin worried, _and he could get hurt!_ There was a monk dressed in purple, and a girl in a strange white and green kimono, and then there was the boy with the white hair. Rin squinted her eyes, and saw that there were two triangle shaped ears poking out from the top of his head. _Inuyasha_, she realized. But…he didn't look very different from Sesshomaru-sama. They had the same hair, same eyes, same claws. They dressed differently, and Inuyasha was much shorter and louder, but there was no mistaking them for brothers. _Sesshomaru-sama must be nearby then, if his brother is here_, the girl reasoned to herself.

"Rin, watch out!" Jakken cried from the ground.

Rin looked up and gasped as she saw a fire cat demon ridden by a girl in black flying right towards Aun. The dragon reared and began to give chase, but from the ground there came a blast of fire that sent the girl and the demon cat tumbling to the ground. Rin looked back to Jakken, and saw Inuyasha was gaining on the toady retainer. If Inuyasha was anything like Sesshomaru-sama, Jakken was in for a beating. With a kick from her heel, Rin commanded the dragon down to the ground near Jakken-sama.

"Get on!" she cried, holding out a hand.

He took hold of it with his slimy fingers. She was barely strong enough to lift him as it was, but he was slipping out of her hand faster than she was pulling him up. She threw everything in her other hand to the ground, and grabbed Jakken-sama's collar so she could at last pull him into the saddle with her. With no time to waste, they took to the air and escaped. The imp was shaking.

"Why did you do that?" he yelled. "If you had gotten hurt, Sesshomaru-sama would not let me feel the end of it!"

Rin felt angry tears pricking the corners of her eyes. "I was afraid for you!" she wailed, then threw her arms around him. Did he really see himself as expendable? Was she more valuable to Sesshomaru-sama than him? No! Jakken-sama may be mean, but he was still her friend. She wasn't about to see him get beaten up over some stupid sword.

The sword…

"Stupid human emotions," he grumbled, then asked, "By the way, where did you put the sword, Rin?"

"I, uh, dropped it," she stammered, embarrassed. The two companions looked to the ground to see Inuyasha waving the sheathed sword at them, before tucking it to his side and walking away.

Jakken-sama moaned. "I worked so hard to get that and I lost it!" he grumbled.

"But I almost lost you," Rin whimpered.

Jakken rolled his eyes and sighed. "Thank you, Rin," he mumbled. Then he cleared his throat. "C'mon, Sesshomaru-sama will be waiting."

Rin giggled, then took the reins and turned to face Ah and Un. Clucking her tongue and kicking her heel into its ribs, they were off to find where their master was undoubtedly waiting for them.

"Jakken-sama, why was that sword so important?" Rin tentatively asked.

The toad straightened his back and cleared his throat. "The sword belonged to Sesshomaru-sama's honored father. Now it's _still_ in the hands of that filthy hanyou." For emphasis, Jakken spat at the ground. "It's rightfully Sesshomaru-sama's, and he'll have it soon enough."

Rin furrowed her eyebrows. "But…doesn't he already have two swords?"

Jakken poked the girl in her back with his claw and squawked, "Stupid girl! Why do you ask such things?"

The girl contorted her mouth and twisted her face in confusion. That certainly didn't answer her question, in any aspect. Maybe Jakken didn't know the answer himself?

"Will he give you a sword, when he has three?" the child asked, trying to piece her logic together. "Will he give _me_ a sword?" Rin was excited at that prospect.

The imp cackled. "Absolutely not! What would this Jakken do with a sword anyway? And _you_!" That, apparently was all Jakken had to say on the matter of Rin owning a sword.

Rin shook her head. "So why then does he have to have three swords?"

Jakken snorted. "You wouldn't understand, you're just a human." He settled himself back on Aun's rump, signifying he was done discussing the matter. Rin, on the other hand, was not.

"Rin wants to understand!" she cried, startling her companion. "Rin has never had a sword, so Rin doesn't know!"

The faithful retainer of the Western Lord was taken aback by the human ward's spirit. Such tenacity! Such determination to not only learn about youkai society, but to actually exist inside of it! Sesshomaru-sama surely did not know what he was bargaining for when he raised this child from the dead. She was going to be a pain in the neck for a long, long time, if she had her way!

Finally, Jakken sighed. "You'll never have a sword, Rin," he gently explained. "These swords, that Sesshomaru-sama has, they are especially powerful. Tokijin is made from the teeth of a demon who was born and died in hatred. It can kill without even touching an enemy. And the sword Inuyasha has, that's the Tesseiga. It is made from the fang of Sesshomaru-sama's most noble father, and can kill 100 demons with one swing."

"But what about his other sword?" Rin pried.

Jakken rolled his eyes. "That," he sneered, "is Tenseiga. It doesn't cut, and it doesn't kill." He folded his arms within his sleeves. "That's why our lord requires Tesseiga, to replace his useless sword."

Rin shifted in the saddle. This was one of the longest running conversations she had been able to hold with any one of her traveling companions yet, and she was doing her very best to not spoil it. Jakken had tried to shut her down, but she would have none of it. There was so much she didn't know, and so much she wanted to hear. "Is it just a plain old dull sword, then?" she reasoned.

The toady imp wrinkled his forehead and pursed his lips, then shook his head. "You should know. The master's used it on you. On that day, when we found you in the woods."

The girl choked on her breath. So it was the sword that woke her from death's sleep. It was the sword that he was thought to be useless. But then, it probably was. It had done its job. Why would he need it anymore? She didn't see him going around and saving other little girls, so she must be the only one he wanted. He _chose_ her. The thought filled Rin with warmth. Happily, she smiled her snaggle tooth grin and decided to give Jakken-sama a rest about the swords. She had heard enough to satisfy her curiosity for now, anyway. There were more important things to discuss. Like dinner.

"Jakken-sama," Rin sweetly called back, "will you take me to pick melons tonight?"

Jakken grumbled and snorted. "Whatever you like, kid," he answered grouchily. But Rin could tell he wasn't really angry. His voice wasn't loud and he hadn't pinched her. Besides, Rin knew Jakken-sama had a slight fondness for melons himself. It would be a pleasant outing.

That night, Rin was kidnapped from the melon patch by Kagura, Naraku's wind sorceress. She was beautiful, the most beautiful woman Rin had ever seen, with ruby red eyes and elegant clothes. Her fan held mysterious powers, and Rin wondered if that was her real soul. Was she really just a lady's fan, tired of being held still over some fair face, and yearning to ride the wind? What dark mysterious forces had come together to create her? She was like a fairy tale princess to Rin, though the truth was much farther from the fantasy. Children are innocent like that. They rode a giant feather to a fortress on a mountain. Rin became frightened when she saw a swarm of carrion feeding demons, writhing about the ground where they had landed.

"Don't worry short stuff," Kagura told her, as she led the girl into a small building. "Your Sesshomaru-sama will save you."

"Okay," Rin chirped. That was enough reassurance for her. "I'll just wait here then."

As Kagura shut the door and walked away, she envied the girl. Such a small, weak, and insignificant thing; yet she was guaranteed Sesshomaru's attentions and protection. He was going to storm the castle over a _child_. Why did he value her so? A little girl could not provide the affections that a grown man like himself certainly craved. Nor would she be able to provide the proper companionship an adult would need. Why oh why would he be rushing to the girl's aid, and saving her from Naraku, while leaving Kagura to suffer her bondage alone? Why had he chosen a little human girl over a wind goddess?

The wind witch stood still and tilted her head up to the sky, then closed her shining red eyes. Using her power, she changed the wind's direction, so it carried her voice forward, to someone she desperately hoped would hear it.

"Sesshomaru," she whispered, "come and rescue me too."

888888

"_Hide. Keep quiet and hide there."_

"_Don't go this time, nii-chan. Don't die this time! Stay with me!"_

_And the boy looked her in the eye with a sinister glint. He smiled crookedly, and took her hand. Fingers stroked fingers, and tears welled up in Rin's eyes._

"_Don't die this time, nii-chan," she pleaded._

_Nori barked a cruel laugh. "You're the one who left us!" he sneered, yanking her to her feet and throwing off the mattress. Pivoting on his heels, he swung his arms around and tossed Rin towards the bandits that were attacking their mother._

"_You're supposed to be dead!" Nori screeched. _

_The bandits were laughing, grabbing her little body. Except her body wasn't so little all of a sudden; she was her adult self now, looking back at her little big brother with terrified eyes._

"_But I kept hidden, you left me!" she sobbed. "You could have stayed!"_

_The tallest bandit had a sword at her throat. Her mother was choking on her own blood as she stood next to Rin. Greedy male hands were pawing over her body, bruising and tearing her clothes. They were no longer hands; they were paws. They were no longer bandits; they were wolves._

_The blade became a set of jaws about her neck._

_Nori stood above Rin's broken body, shaking his head. Wolfish snarls filled her ears until the sound burst her in her head and there was total silence. Already, the blood was filling her lungs. Already, the dull haze of death was clouding her eyes._

_All at once, the wolves dispersed, running into the woods. When did they get into the woods? Rin weakly clutched her robe shut over her chest, feeling her heart's blood trickle over her fingers less and less. It was cold now, and no air would pass through her lips as hard as she tried to breathe. Her brother bent down and knelt next to Rin's head. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see he was holding a sword that strangely resembled Tenseiga. She tilted her head to see better. It _was_ Tenseiga, she was sure of it. The youki it gave off was unmistakable._

"_You were supposed to die, Rin," Nori whispered. "Please, just stay dead this time, okay?" And he stabbed her. Rin screamed; Tenseiga had never hurt before. Blood gushed freely from her numerous wounds. And then she died._

Then she woke up.

888888

Rin felt herself go slightly dizzy; Sesshomaru smelled absolutely delicious. Granted, she couldn't smell him all the time, and it was always a fleeting sense. But when he rolled around in the bed, and the blankets rose and fell with the gentle air created, it always caught her attention right away.

It was a simple smell, but no less alluring for it. His skin smelled of pine, and of steel, and sometimes of smoke. She had never been able to notice it before; the first time she was unclothed with him, it about near drove her wild. It wasn't…sexually exciting, but it was still exciting, and wonderfully male. More than anything, it made her want to bury her face into his skin and hang on to that distinct scent before it once again faded beyond her detection. And when she could no longer smell him, she wanted to taste him, and often had to stop herself from sinking her teeth into his skin in order to find whatever it was that was so delicious.

Shaking her head from her embarrassing reverie, Rin focused her gaze once more her beloved, specifically the top of his head. If she didn't watch herself, she would end up distracting him as well, and he would not take that lightly. During her times of rest and recovery, he would join her in the bed to sleep or just keep her from being lonely. That did not mean he was absent from _want_ for her. Yesterday, she'd been thinking of his delicious smell again, which apparently made her smell delicious to him after enough time. The swords were strapped to his hip, and she listened to him chop the forest to pieces all night. Sesshomaru was not someone to be taken lightly, and his displeasure was not something to be toyed with. But at the same time, he did not fault Rin for her little foibles when it came to his demon nature.

"What was it like?" Sesshomaru murmured.

"Hm?" Rin sang, twisting her neck in effort to see his face. Still requiring a great deal of bed rest as she adjusted to Sesshomaru's youki, Rin welcomed the presence of her husband when he came to keep her company. He had taken to treating her chest as his sleeping pillow of late, and while cradling him like that made Rin feel powerful and deeply loved all at once, she disliked not being able to see his face. Wryly, she had come to realize that he chose to talk openly to her only in this position; she knew Sesshomaru had designed this circumstance to his advantage, as he was never one given to speak much. Avoiding eye-contact made the experience less taxing on his nerves. But it could also be more annoying to hers, sometimes. Like now.

Grudgingly, the demon lifted his head and turned his face upward before settling back onto her bosom. "What was it like," he repeated, "to die?"

Rin made a slightly strangled noise in the back of her throat. Under the covers, their bodies were naked and casually twined about each other. This intimacy had been something Rin had to gradually accustom herself to, but it had not been uncomfortable. It was not as if she didn't want it; she merely had to remind herself to swallow her self-consciousness and enjoy Sesshomaru's company. But this particular question prickled her spine with fear. Rin could actively feel herself locking down and shutting away from the world. This was an intimacy that rooted too deeply in her heart, and she had hoped to keep it inactive from every aspect of her life. While it escaped into her dreams, that was certainly beyond her control. Choosing to answer a question was in her control.

"Um," Rin groaned.

Sesshomaru nuzzled his cheek across her skin, seeking to find the strongest echo of her heart with his ear. Satisfied, he listened and processed Rin's sudden bulwarking of herself. Absently, his hand reached up to squeeze her shoulder. Heaving himself upwards and off of her, he laid his head beside and away from hers, breaking off all physical contact except for keeping one of his ankles hooked over one of hers. If she wanted space, then he would give it to her.

"You don't have to say, if you don't want," he told her firmly, trying to sound like he hadn't been mooning over her just moments prior.

Rin laughed dryly. _Gee, that sounds familiar_, she thought with a smirk. _Except this time, I can't look at him and smile cutely for an answer._ Still, the ache remained in her chest from the deep cut the question had made. Not able to bring herself to even look at Sesshomaru, Rin started to count the age rings in the timber that supported the ceiling.

The ankles were separated, and Sesshomaru pushed himself further away. The movement sent a puff of cold air over Rin's skin, and she shivered. The demon rolled over, flipping his hair behind him and rocking himself into the mattress. She obviously did not want to talk about that, and he slightly even regretted asking the question in the first place. It had just…slipped. Death was not something Sesshomaru was familiar with, on the receiving end. On the sending end, he had sent many, many creatures to the underworld, but thought little about what their experience in the last moments of life had been. It was something he would probably never know for himself.

Small hands slipped up between his broad shoulder blades, and spilled over onto his chest. Rin pulled her body more snugly against her husband, trembling ever so slightly. She hadn't wanted him to be like this, but she knew he would. He was accustomed to getting what he wanted, and if he didn't he'd pout, whether he'd admit to it or not. Still, Rin chided herself over her silence. Was this really all that important to keep secret from Sesshomaru? Wouldn't he want to know about how his sword worked?

Rin gulped, then nuzzled her head into Sesshomaru's neck so her mouth brushed against the shell of his ear. She squeezed him in her arms, and he lifted a hand to join in clasping hers. Possessively, he kicked a foot back to once again hook ankles with her. Rin smirked. He was…trying his best. She knew he wanted to hear an answer from her, but he was keeping his displeasure to himself. _He's almost like a little kid_, Rin thought amusedly. She would answer him, she resolved; but it would not come without a cost.

"I'll tell you," she bargained, "if you answer a question for me when I'm done."

Sesshomaru snorted. "What question?" he snapped peevishly.

Rin shook her head and smiled against the skin of her husband's back. "No. Your question was a surprise to me, and it's only fair that I be allowed the same. So, what will it be?"

The demon shifted slightly, made suddenly uncomfortable with the implications of Rin's conditions. He had just asked her an incredibly personal question; she might just do the same to him. She also might ask a silly question, and laugh at her own joke when he answered it in his usual monotone. She seemed to enjoy doing that enough. But…he _did_ want to know what dying felt like. He had been wondering about it since he first held Rin with his arm, watching her return from death's sleep. If she wanted a question for a question, then it would be unreasonable for him to refuse such an even trade. And besides, he hadn't the heart in him to coldly ignore the sweet woman embracing him, now that she was his wife. _No,_ he mentally chided himself, _long before that_. Something about her…moved him, and pulled him from even the deepest meditation to find her smiling at him with all of her heart. It was enough to make him mad with desire. There was nothing he felt he could deny from her, even if it was at a cost to himself.

"Alright," he answered smoothly.

Rin nodded, then heaved a long sigh. Closing her eyes, she thought of that day once more: the wolves, the running, the blood. "Cold," she finally whispered.

Sesshomaru twitched his ears, but said nothing. He merely waited to see if Rin would or would not continue. He started slowly petting her arms, and Rin didn't know if he was soothing her or encouraging her. More than likely, the action was not meant to have anything to do with her at all; it was done merely for his own benefit.

"It feels very cold when you die," Rin continued, softly breathing into the demon's ear. "It feels like a frost settles into your blood. It starts at your fingers and toes, and creeps steadily into your middle. It hurts. And you can still see everything around you, right until the frost clouds your eyes. Then, it goes dark." She shifted her weight, trying to tug her bedmate onto his back so she could look him in the face and continue. He resisted initially, but then twisted gently and pulled her tightly against his chest. His long, powerful arm pinned her in place with his elbow on her back, while his huge hand formed a cradle for the back of her head. "But Tenseiga cut me—I felt it cut me—and I was awake and warm again. Like it had all been a bad dream." Rin frowned, despite her own happy ending. "It…it _hurts_," she confessed, the shadows of her memories falling heavily across her face. "And it _scares_ me, still." She laid quiet after that, breathing evenly and trying to forget it all again.

"Dying is not something you should fear, Rin," Sesshomaru growled low. He'd explained it to her not too long ago. While the youki he gave her dissipated over time, it never disappeared. Each time he surrendered part of his demon energy to her flesh, it became a part of _her_. She would not have any demonic traits or powers of her own. But she would have a demon's longevity. After Rin had absorbed enough youki, her aging would halt. Her life, bound to Sesshomaru's life energy, would continue as long as he lived. Eternity was a frightening prospect for Rin, but it still gave her great joy that she would never leave her beloved's side, come what may. She had plenty of time to adjust to having all the time in the world.

"I know," Rin murmured sheepishly. "But…I still dream of it. It haunts me, all the same." Her gaze fell dark for a moment, then quickly brightened as she snuggled into his neck.

"If you do not wish for those dreams," the demon remanded, "then you will not have them. Do not let anything keep you from what you truly want."

Rin laughed dryly.

888888

"Again."

Rin, aged 13, parried, then thrust, parried, sliced, and watched Sesshomaru effortlessly flip the sword from her hands once more with Tenseiga. The blade skittered across the floor of the dojo and bounced off the wall before it stopped. Rin hung her shoulders in defeat.

"Again," he smoothly commanded.

She bit her lower lip, feeling the stubbornness begin to lock in her bones. Rin was not a defiant person, nor was she insolent, but if pushed hard enough she was extremely stubborn and refused to concede until she won or was beaten severely.

"Why?" she moaned. "Why do I have to learn this?"

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow, recognizing her behavior for what it was instantly. Years of practice had helped him learn her quirks, and how to work cleanly around them. Getting her to take a bath had been a matter of contention between them both during her youth. Back then, all he had to do was ask her to do it, for him. Then her desire to please, coupled with her adoration, sent her skipping to the springs. Now she was close to being a teenager, Rin would get a stubborn attitude towards her reading lessons. Being matter of fact in regards to consequences worked with that. After all, she didn't want to be ignorant in life, did she? Sesshomaru knew better to use threats. Jakken was not as perceptive, and Rin was all to happy to ignore whatever it was the toad wanted from her while he spat and cursed a storm against her.

The demon lord cleared his throat. "You must learn this for your own good."

"What good is this to me?" Rin grumped, but she had already retrieved the sword and was walking back to her place.

Sesshomaru nodded in approval, and decided that it would be to his advantage to reward her compliance. "You are becoming quite skilled at this," he soothed, "and this Sesshomaru would not have you waste an obvious talent."

"But I don't think I'm going to get any better," Rin countered, the stubbornness resurfacing.

He would have smirked, but it could be interpreted as a surrender. Instead, he sheathed Tenseiga and walked towards her, moving behind her. With the tips of his fingers, he lifted her elbow and swiveled it into the position he wanted. "You fight like a samurai," he commented.

"Thank you," Rin murmured, taken aback.

Sesshomaru continued up the girl's arm to her fingers, pushing them into place. "That wasn't a compliment," he explained, dryly. Rin frowned. "What I mean," the demon continued, "is that you slash about, hoping to hit something. You must visualize yourself hitting the objective and do not move until it is prudent to do so."

"Oh," Rin shrugged. The position she had been maneuvered into was straining her muscles while she waited for permission to move. Her instructor had not yet moved from behind her, and it seemed he was inspecting his work. This was getting old, fast. She had other things that needed tending to. Other things that she actually liked doing. Other things that didn't call for her getting hurt. Out of everything she had yet done with her lord and master, this exercise had made her the most uncomfortable yet. He wasn't looking at her as Rin, or as a woman even. She was a doll, to be played with as he pleased. He yanked her strings; she attacked. She had had enough. Rin shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "I don't want---"

Suddenly, Sesshomaru whipped his hand around her torso and clamped it over her mouth. Rin struggled, but he had hooked both of her arms at the elbows and held her spine tight against his armored chest. All she could do was wiggle her hands and twist her feet about.

The demon chuckled darkly. "What don't you want?" he asked, removing his hand from Rin's mouth.

She was too scared to answer, and sucked deep, cold breaths through her teeth. A sweat broke out on her brow, and she felt her gut quiver.

"Do you not want to be touched like this? Manhandled, as it were?" he asked thickly in her ear. "I could kill you very easily. Do you want to die?"

Rin shivered. "No," she whispered, "I don't."

Sesshomaru nodded. "What would you have this Sesshomaru do then?" His hand was pressed flatly against her collarbone, and she noticed now his fingers were starting to spread. His pinky dipped just underneath the collar of her shirt.

The girl swallowed. "I don't know," she choked out.

"You should always know what you want," he murmured. "And when you do, you should take it." His lips curled into a wicked smile.

Rin narrowed her eyes. "And what if I want you to let go of me?" she asked in a bitter, challenging tone.

A slow, hollow growl sounded from the demon's throat, as he chuckled darkly into Rin's ear. "This Sesshomaru invites you to try then," he replied in a deep, almost sleepy voice. "Your hesitation, were it not me holding you, would have gotten you killed by this point certainly."

"Then why do you not kill me?" Rin demanded in a quavering voice. She gritted her teeth and clenched her fists. It had been something she had been wondering for a time now. Why would the demon Lord of the Western Lands keep a scrawny human girl around as his constant companion? "If you truly despise humans, why have you not killed me?"

"Because," Sesshomaru sneered, "you're holding a sword."

Rin gasped. She had forgotten. With newfound determination, she steeled her strength into her arms, and snapped her wrist, stabbing backwards. She felt the blade hit something, and then she was released from her captor's arm. Stumbling forward, she turned to see that she had indeed managed to stab Sesshomaru in the leg, for the blood was staining through the silk of his pants.

"My lord!" she cried, dropping her sword and falling on her face to the ground. "I'm so sorry!"

He said nothing as he walked towards her. Her heart was beating loud enough to create a dull roar in her own ears; with Sesshomaru's enhanced hearing, she knew he must also be hearing the same. Her breathing was labored, and her body shook even harder when she heard the metallic song of her blade being pulled across the floor.

"Rin," Sesshomaru boomed, "get up."

Rin's face fell ashen as she raised her face to see her master standing over her, holding the sword. But quickly, he kneeled and held her weapon horizontal to his chest. The girl shot up and scurried backwards, staring with widened eyes. Would he cut her down for this? She had seen him kill for less. Would he kill her? Was his wrath greater than his loyalty to her?

The demon lord stilled his body, and held the sword out to Rin. "Take it," he instructed gently.

She looked at him dubiously, but still cautiously outstretched her hands. The metal was warm, like flesh, and she cradled it as he released. "Now," he said, "get up."

With trepidation, Rin rose with difficultly due to her shaking knees. When she had managed to right herself enough to hold her balance, she used the sword like a cane for support. She looked down on Sesshomaru for the first time in her life, and he looked up at her.

"You will continue to learn how to use this," he began firmly. "You will learn how to acknowledge what it is you want and you will then have the strength to take it." He narrowed his eyes, and reached his hand to clasp it around hers. Squeezing lightly, he softened his features. "Never let anyone keep you from what you truly want. Never forget that it is by your choice alone that you stay here. Never let anyone take that power of choice from you." He looked down at their hands, then murmured, "Not even this Sesshomaru."

Her eyes darted to and fro, taking in the scene that had just played before her. It felt like a dream, but she knew it couldn't be. Beads of sweat trickled cold down her spine. Her palms were sticky with blood from the blade she had just handled. His eyes were dark amber, and she was getting lost in them at a dizzying pace. Such odd displays of affection her lord put on! Scaring her to death, then gently holding her hand.

_Never let anyone have that power. Not even this Sesshomaru,_ he had told her. The words sounded in her head, and she felt a great weight lift from her heart that she hadn't noticed was there to begin with. How long had she been stumbling in the dark? Why had she expected him to treat her like an object when she had been with him for years as his ward and companion? She had always been his, ever since they had met. But she was her own first. While she had forgotten it, he had not. It felt like the pieces of her soul were falling perfectly into place. She knew who she was; it was so wonderfully simple, yet so difficult to uncover. There was nothing more that she was supposed to be other than herself.

And suddenly she knew what she wanted.

"Yes," she answered, jerking herself back into the present. "I understand now."

Sesshomaru nodded, then rose to his feet, still holding her hand. Gently pulling her forward, he walked her to the house. At last when they were inside, he nodded gently before parting. Rin stood dumbly as she watched him take his leave.

"Oi! Girl!" Jakken howled. "What are you doing? You're a mess!"

Rin snapped to attention to find the imp tugging on her clothes with a disgusted look on his face. "You stink!" he grumbled. But his eyes had glazed and his hand gripped limply on the girl. Rin looked to find him rubbing his thumb to a spot of blood on the fabric. Most likely, Jakken knew that it was not hers.

Quickly, the faithful retainer shook his head and waddled off, muttering about drawing a bath so she could wash her filthy human stink off. Rin heaved a sigh of relief, before she followed. That would be nice. She wanted a bath.

888888

"My turn," Rin happily announced. Sesshomaru held his breath. Rin held _her_ breath.

She knew what she wanted to ask. She'd wanted to ask it for some time. She had been afraid of the answer for so long. But now, now that she had all of the time in the world with him, there seemed no better time than the present to address this concern. The woman licked her lips, and placed an open-mouthed kiss on the neck of the demon lying next to her.

"Why me?" she breathed.

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. He was _pretty_ sure he knew what Rin was asking, and if it was indeed that then he was in for a great deal of mental leg-work. He knew _why_, he just never considered he'd have to explain it to anyone; not Rin, and especially not himself.

Rin cleared her throat. "Why did you choose me?" she whispered, voice slightly trembling. "Why am I here? Why am I your wife?"

"This Sesshomaru recalls only having asked one question," he snapped, biding for time.

Rin chuckled. She knew how uncomfortable he must be feeling; undoubtedly she had felt the same herself just moments before.

"Alright," she said brightly, "then just this one: Why am I here?"

"Because I want you to be," Sesshomaru replied smoothly. There. Question answered.

"You're not being fair," Rin whined. Propping herself on her elbows on top of his chest, Rin scowled down at the uncooperative demon. He growled, showing his annoyance. Rin refused to back down.

Sesshomaru snorted. "This Sesshomaru _desires_ you to be here," he amended. "Nothing will change that, and nothing will keep me from you. I suppose…," he stalled, scrambling for the proper words, "love must have something to do with it."

Rin exploded into laughter. "You _suppose_?" she guffawed. "Oh dear! Sesshomaru! You really are something."

_I'm something indeed!_ he angrily thought, though he knew she had a point. His statement was rather foolish sounding. He had mentioned "love" because he knew it would make Rin happy. But wouldn't it also make… Why was he being so guarded? Was he…afraid of the implications that loving a human may have?

After all, he remembered all too well what these feelings had earned him the last time.

Rin had calmed herself and was upset to see Sesshomaru quite heavily in thought. It seemed he was about to explode in rage, or even into tears; his face was scrunched and his eyes were distant. Immediately, she regretted ever laughing at him. "Sesshomaru?" she cooed.

"Yes," he answered, coming back to himself. Smoothing his features, he gazed into the concerned eyes of his wife, the human woman for whom he cared, for almost all of her life. "It has everything to do with it," he answered softly, cupping the side of her face with his hand. He gave her life with his sword, but his hand—his hand gave her everything.

"I know," Rin whispered gratefully, kissing his palm. "I just wanted to hear you say it."

_Yes_, he thought, _so did I_.

888888

The shiro was in flames. The ash and soot clogged his sensitive nose and brought tears to his eyes, but he continued to fight. All the while, Sesshomaru cursed his father, cursed that wretched human he had weakened himself with, and cursed the dragons of the East.

The Inu no Taishio had won. He had managed to seal the dragon Ryukossei against the side of a cliff. But it had cost him his own life. As he lay dying, he had to laugh at the irony of it all. Here, he was planning on giving the life-saving sword Tenseiga to his oldest son. If Sesshomaru had fought by his side, like the great taiyoukai had wanted, then perhaps his son could have learned to master the sword by bringing his father back to life.

But Sesshomaru angrily declared he would not come to his father's aide. "You brought this on yourself," he coldly spat out. The boy had been bitter at many things his father had done over the past year. The first and foremost was him announcing proudly that he was expecting a hanyou child with a human princess. This was unforgivable in the eyes of the proud Sesshomaru.

It was also the intent of the Inu no Taishio to leave the Tesseiga with his eldest son, but that had been before Izayoi announced herself to be with child. Sesshomaru would certainly kill the hanyou, with or without the sword, so it would be best to provide the poor child with the best advantage of survival. He had already commissioned his grave centuries ago—a pearl that held a portal to the underworld, where his final resting place would be. But the elder son would no longer have the prestige of carrying it. No, things had changed in the moment the great dog demon realized himself to be dying. The pearl would be carried by his hanyou child, and in it, would rest the great sword Tesseiga. That way, both would be protected from the power hungry Sesshomaru until the child came of age. It was the best he could do. The flea Myouga would see to it all.

Sesshomaru's father died alone, and soundlessly passed the title of Inu no Taishio to his son as he fought the comrades of the dragon who had killed his father.

Dragons were the worst. They were not quite demons, but were powerful in their own right. Damn near impossible to kill too, due to the steel-like plate armor their scales provided. However, Sesshomaru's poison gave him a distinct advantage. The scales would repel a sword, but melt under the spray of the Dokkasou from his claws. There had been six dragons, and over 60 snake demons that composed the legion of invaders into the Western house. One dragon, and 18 snake demons remained, at the cost of only 7 of the Inu clan.

Dispatching of the final dragon had been more difficult than Sesshomaru anticipated. The accursed beast managed to sink its fangs into what part of his chest that wasn't covered with armor. Outraged and exhausted, Sesshomaru transformed into his true demon form, and was able to end the fight by decapitating the dragon at the neck with his poisonous fangs. Eagerly, he returned to the house, managing to stomp on five of the fleeing snake demons as he approached. Transforming once more, he rushed to his father's chambers in an attempt to salvage anything valuable that had not been destroyed.

He found Chiyoko.

She was screaming from underneath the corpse of a snake demon. Her hands were black with its blood, and a dagger lay off to her left where it had been quickly thrown aside in an effort to free both of her hands. Her screams were intermingled with choking coughs from the smoke; one of her arms already bore blisters from a burn.

Sesshomaru rushed to her aide. Hefting the body aside, he quickly discovered what had brought Chiyoko to kill her demon attacker. He had raped her.

Immediately Sesshomaru felt ill, and a rush of bile bubbled in his throat. No weakness could be shown though; he swallowed the bitter acid back down and hefted the girl who now seemed so small and fragile into his arms. He could hear her weakly crying out something, but he was too worried about finding an exit to bother. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a portion of the wall had burned away, revealing a small portal to the outside world. Tucking the girl close to his frame, Sesshomaru lunged.

She looked so tiny against his body. He had forgotten how tall he was in comparison to her. Chiyoko's hair was partially undone, and tendrils radiated wildly away from her skull. Her freckled face was covered with smudges of soot, and blood stains could be found all over her body, either from the demon or else from herself. Her robe had been ripped, and she was not decently covered; quickly, Sesshomaru shucked off his armor and removed his outer shirt to wrap around the girl. She shook like she was cold, but he knew most likely she was going into shock from her ordeal. He wanted to go back and salvage what he could from the house, but his heart tugged his body towards Chiyoko whenever he attempted to leave her side.

Chiyoko had never stopped mumbling since Sesshomaru had picked her up, and at first he couldn't understand what she was trying to say. Merely chalking it up to stress, he sat next to the girl and began rubbing her arms to keep her warm and calm.

"Nnnnnnnoo," she finally managed to groan out.

Sesshomaru stopped and stared. Chiyoko opened her eyes. Her normally brilliant eyes were clouded gray with smoke and tears, and the whites had turned almost completely red. At first, she looked to be struggling to recognize the face that hovered above her own. Her mouth twisted and her eyes blinked wildly, until finally she sighed and nodded.

"Sessssshomaru-sssssssama," she whispered.

He nodded, grateful she seemed to be somewhat conscious. "You're safe," he murmured, immediately taken aback by his soothing promise. What right had he to make such a declaration? Was he pledging to protect her then, until…when? She wasn't dying; an examination with his eyes and nose told him that much. So what would become of her now? Her future was uncertain at best, yet he found himself moved to try and comfort her as much as he could. Strangely enough, it was a pleasant thought to him. Perhaps, she could stay and serve the Western House like she always had, under his rule.

Chiyoko began sobbing loudly, bringing the demon sharply out of his reverie. Instinctually, he bent and carefully petted her hair. It would be best to let her cry, and get it out of her system now. After all she had just suffered through, she needed to let it out instead of keep it inside. "You're safe," he repeated gently, and slumped his shoulders in exhaustion.

"Kill…me," she choked.

Sesshomaru coughed. He looked down at the girl with widened eyes. _Did she just say…?_

"Kill me!" Chiyoko screamed. "Kill me! If you have any honor in you, then kill me!"

What was the woman going on about? He had just _saved_ her! Wasn't she grateful? Had she gone completely mad?

"Chiyoko," he boomed, trying to intimidate her, but she cut him off by grabbing the sword at his waist and slicing at his arm while she rolled to the side. He winced and grabbed his new wound—merely a scratch—while he stared down the girl, now standing before him.

His shirt had fallen away, and much of her body was left exposed. Sesshomaru sadly noted that what flesh did show had been carved with claw-marks or fang punctures. Her entire body was shaking, but her feet were planted firmly into the ground. Chiyoko raised the sword and pointed it at Sesshomaru, eyes burning with that familiar hatred.

"Kill me," she threatened, "or I'll do it myself!"

"Are you daft woman?" Sesshomaru roared. "Put the sword down!"

Chiyoko let out a bitter, barking laugh. "I'm not fit to live after being defiled by that…that thing! That _demon_ thing!" She glared pointedly at Sesshomaru, as if to include him in her description of her attacker. "And," she swallowed deeply, yet still sounded like her mouth was full of phlegm, "I'm not about to bring a _hanyou_ into this world either! Now what is it going to be?" Her body straightened and she held the sword out further. "Are you going to do the honorable thing, or must I do it?"

Sesshomaru blinked. It felt as if the rest of the world had walled itself off, and only he and Chiyoko existed in a little pocket of time to themselves. _Almost_, he mused, _like a dream._ It was a dream, and when he woke up, the house would not be in flames, and Chiyoko would not be begging for death. It was just a dream._ A nightmare for Chiyoko_, he realized belatedly. She was serious in her threats; he knew better than to doubt her. But…she didn't _have_ to do this. He didn't think any less of her for this happening, and if a child did happen to result, they could always just kill it as soon as it was born. She didn't have to die.

Chiyoko's eyes fell. She heaved a heavy sigh, and lowered the sword to her side. For a while, she merely shook her head and laughed lightly. But then she lifted her face. The hate was gone from her eyes, and replaced by an overwhelming hurt. The pain she radiated threatened to drown them both, given enough time. The girl smiled softly, then lowered her eyelids, shading her bloodshot eyes behind a veil of clumped black lashes.

"If you ever loved me," she whispered, "you would do this."

The demon nearly fell backwards. _Love her!_ If he _loved_ her! How dare she make such bold assumptions! He wanted to protest, insisting that it was _his_ honor that had now been insulted. But the words died in his throat. Sesshomaru knew he was a killer. He knew his was vicious, and brutal, and cruel at heart. It was just the way his demon nature was. But he was _not_ a liar; he never had been, and he wasn't going to start now. _Yes_, he admitted shamefully to himself, _I did love her, once_. It had been so long since he had indulged in that emotion, he had nearly forgotten. A flickering memory of a beautiful girl smoothing her hands over his chest as she fitted his armor rose before his eyes. The girl he adored irritating, because it made her scent all the more potent. She smelled like jasmine, and salt, and a hint of warm milk. That beautiful girl with the glimmering dark eyes, and the long silky hair that stung his face when she whipped around. Yes, he had loved her. He _still_ loved her. But he had been able to convince himself that the girl was gone the moment he first saw hatred enter Chiyoko's eyes. The beautiful girl he admired had been replaced by an ugly, bitter wench, and over time he forgot that she had ever been something else. Now, she stood before him, broken and bleeding, begging for death. Begging for him to search her and find that beautiful girl once again, then put her out of her misery.

He…hesitated.

The girl took it as a sign of dissent to her request. Chiyoko jerked the sword up and held it in front of her neck. She was crying again, whimpering in fear, afraid of the pain. But her hands were steady before her, and the aim of the blade held true.

"Oh!" she cried, then jerked her arms inward, starting the strike.

Without hesitating, Sesshomaru rushed forward and batted the sword aside. Chiyoko stumbled backwards in surprise, then looked up to the demon. "Why did you do that?" she screamed.

Sesshomaru scowled. The girl looked at him, tears in her eyes, and for all appearances she would probably have fallen to little tiny pieces right then and there if the demon had not spoke. "I'll do it," he muttered.

Chiyoko lowered her arms and nodded. Mutely, she stepped forward, as if she could already predict his every move. She stopped when she was only a breath away from him, then slowly snaked her arms around his chest in a warm embrace. He did not reciprocate at first, not until she looked up at his face. Then, Sesshomaru wrapped one arm around her back, and the other around her head. Breaking the neck would be the best approach, he had determined. Less mess, less pain, less time.

The girl in the demon's arms smiled as she felt his clawed hand settle into position. "Thank you," she whispered, letting her sentence hang before finally deciding she had nothing more to add and shut her mouth. Sesshomaru nodded.

"Ready?" he growled.

Chiyoko rolled her eyes back, then closed her eyes. "I always knew it," she whispered, fat tears rolling down her dirty cheeks. _But I couldn't love you back_, her soul added silently. The girl scrunched her face, trying to squeeze every last drop of fear and doubt from her heart. Then she sighed, and dropped all emotion from her face.

Sesshomaru grunted, yanking the girl's head completely around her neck. And with a quick snap it was over. He let her limp body slump to the ground, where it landed with a dull thud. She would be at peace, he knew. She was dead, and he had granted her that peace not with a sword, but with his own hand. She deserved that, at least.

Never one to second guess his actions, Sesshomaru turned and walked away from the now burning rubble of his father's empire, and never looked back.

The new house was built 6 li north of the original shiro. Everything that could be saved was moved. All bodies found, whether friend or foe, were thrown into a heap and cremated. The fire lasted for two days before it finally reduced the bodies to ash and could be extinguished. Sesshomaru wasted no time in invading the Eastern Lands, killing all those involved with Ryukossei. After that, he began his search for the Tesseiga, and for his hanyou brother, Inuyasha.

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It wasn't always bliss. They fought, over heavy things, and over trivial things. But they always came to a compromise. And they never went to bed resentful of one another, though sometimes it meant not going to bed at all. There were times he had to spend extended periods apart from her, traveling the Western Lands on patrol. She always missed him. He gave her fine things, and filled her life with as much luxury as he could afford her. She insisted on gardening herself; he would always smirk when she came back into the house, mud up to her elbows and smudged on her face. She always appreciated the little things. He'd always loved that about her.

Their first child was a son. It took many tries, many tears, and many arguments, for Rin to carry a hanyou pregnancy to term. He was met with great trepidation from his father, and the two were at odds with each other for most of the boy's childhood. But over time, every doubt Sesshomaru may have had for the hanyou was disproved, and the son was warmly accepted, and proclaimed proudly to be the heir to the Western Lands. Despite numerous other miscarriages, Rin was determined her son would not grow up alone. Three others followed, all girls. Sesshomaru found their rearing to be comparatively easier, and was fiercely protective of them. As smaller children, the three would often share the same bed, despite having separate rooms, and could be found talking and giggling with one another late into the night. On very rare occasions, their brother would join in, though usually the talking turned into wrestling. Sesshomaru would be the one to pull them apart, while Rin the one to dry the tears of those who landed at the bottom of the dog-pile. It wasn't always one of the girls, either. Yet they were extremely quiet and demure in public, wanting nothing more than to please their father and emulate their soft-spoken mother.

And they adored Jakken. He, for the most part, enjoyed taking part in the upbringing of yet another pup for the dog demon lord. But four hanyous was much different than one human. There were times that he was glad he did not have hair, else he would have pulled it all out; the pups were just as much of their mother as they were their father.

The children were dressed in accordance to their nobility. Rin insisted that even the girls wore black boots, like their father. She herself remained barefoot as much as decorum permitted; though a lady by marriage, she was an urchin by birth, and that was a hard instinct to change. She taught them all the simple pleasure of her own youth, and discovered that Sesshomaru had put up with a great deal in raising her. Often, Rin would find old wilted flowers in her hair, left over from a long ago romp in the fields. On those days, she kissed her husband fiercely, thankful he had learned patience from her. And he would then hold her tightly, thankful for the same.

When the children left the house, they were each given a sword. As befitting of the traditions of the House of the West, the blades were forged from their great father's fangs, and were meant to serve them well for the rest of their lives. Always, it was their surprise to learn that the mighty demon had gifted them with a copy of his Tenseiga, the sword he never used. As to how to use it, he left them to figure out on their own; when they did, after centuries of puzzlement, they better understood the stoic and emotionless father who valued strength and courage above all else.

It took both to wield the life-giving sword.

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Rin blinked. Her heart beat. Her lungs filled and emptied. Her skin warmed.

Sesshomaru calmly stood, and re-sheathed Tenseiga with his shaking hand. The shock he felt from the other-world splitting apart under his blade still reverberated hard in his chest. _Gods,_ he thought desperately, _what have I done_? For a moment, he was _afraid_ of the once dead child who now leaned into his arm. But then she smiled, and straightened, and stood on her own. She was ready.

Never one to second guess his actions, the great demon stood, and turned to walk away. He never looked back; he never had to. He _knew_ she would follow.

_Finis_


End file.
